After moving, relocated friend wants to reconnect over Zoom

DEAR HARRIETTE >> I used to hang out with a group of women from my neighborhood and we formed a real bond over the years. My husband and I downsized last year to a smaller home in my home state. While I think we made the right decision financially, I am so lonely. I miss my friends and our genuine camaraderie. I want to get us together and had the thought of inviting them to a Zoom cocktail party with me.

They could be at their individual homes or all together, like we used to do, with me on camera. Do you think that would be too much of an imposition? That's one thing I liked during the pandemic — we figured out how to be together from a distance. I don't want to be too pushy though.

— Need to Connect

DEAR NEED TO CONNECT >>

I bet your friends miss you as much as you miss them. By all means, suggest that you create a virtual cocktail party with them. Ideally, everyone would be in their own homes. That way, everybody gets a chance to talk and they are all focused on the screen. Sometimes when one person is virtual and the rest are not, the in-person party can be distracting and draw people away from the person who isn't in the room. If it turns out to be a big gathering with you added in, suggest that the first hour be focused on all of you talking to one another. Then you can sign off and they can continue.

DEAR HARRIETTE >> Every time I see a certain friend, she begins the conversation by criticizing something that I said or did or that someone else said or did. She is the ultimate Debbie Downer. It's impossible to change the subject until she has completed her rant. Once she's done, she is usually able to settle down and have a regular conversation, but enduring the harsh, judgmental words about someone I care about is tough. I am a positive person and I do not want to have to endure her tirades. How can I handle this?

— Reached My Limit

DEAR REACHED MY LIMIT >>

You have to decide how much you care about her. Why? Because if she seems incapable of changing and your love for her is not big enough to allow her to do her negative dance first, this may be the moment when you part ways. And that could be OK.

You can try one more time by interrupting her the next time she starts down her path of complaints and tell her you cannot take it anymore. You can say you are having a good day and you don't want to spoil it by listening to her negative thoughts. Invite her to come back and talk to you later, after she gets that out of her system. Then walk away.

Next time you two are face to face, introduce a topic to discuss that is positive and see where it takes you. Be prepared though for her to have hurt feelings and complain this time about how you dissed her. If that happens, lovingly and firmly tell her that you have listened to her speak negatively about you and everyone else in your world for years. You don't want to listen anymore.