Cohabiting couple struggles to unpack all their `stuff'

DEAR AMY >> I'm a middle-aged man. My fiancée recently moved in with me.

My family had hoarding issues for generations.

Long before Marie Kondo and hoarding intervention TV came along, I was in therapy and successfully dealing with this.

I've disposed of multiple dumpster loads of my ancestors' stuff in order to have room to live in my inherited home.

My possessions bring me joy.

I'm a design professional with a lot of experience working with clients in their homes.

I understand that hoarding is an obsessive compulsive disorder, but I also see compulsive decluttering as a big problem. I've been inside homes that were virtually empty due to this.

While visiting a friend who was downsizing, I realized how anxious stuff, boxes and clutter made my fiancée. We had to end the visit early because she was so anxious!

When she is stressed, she “purges” objects and sometimes buys others, only to return or donate them. Some things I treasure have “disappeared.”

I make space for her in our home (by removing my stuff) and she leaves the space empty, but then complains there is no room for her things.

We have no photos or artwork on our bedroom walls because the visual incompatibility makes her anxious and upset.

If something is not being used NOW (even if needed or useful later), out it goes.

She donated an occasionally used, older kitchen appliance and later the same day purchased another.

I'm not sure how to help her (or keep my stuff), as she says I need help with “hoarding.”

Please raise awareness of compulsive decluttering.

How do I defend decisions when being branded a “hoarder” for useful/ needed/cherished objects?

DEAR R >> Because you two have such opposing styles — and are quick to label each other as having a serious disorder — it would be important to sit down with a couples therapist who could help you to sort out, rearrange, and unpack the considerable baggage you each bring into this relationship.