Boyfriend keeps asking new partner for money
DEAR HARRIETTE >> I'm in a relatively new relationship with a really nice guy. Everything was going well up until about two weeks ago when he randomly asked me for money. He claimed that he needed it urgently. It was a small amount, so I gave it to him, making him promise that it would be a one-time thing. Unfortunately, he's asked me again since then. I'm confused because he showed no sign of having money problems when we first started seeing each other. Could he have been hiding his financial struggles from me all along? How do I handle this?
— I'm Not a Bank
DEAR I'M NOT A BANK >> You need to have a serious conversation with this man. Sit down with him and ask him what's going on with his finances. Tell him that you have enjoyed getting to know him and spending time with him, but his need for immediate cash has sent up a red flag. Ask him to explain what's going on in his life. Press him to tell you about his finances, the state of his employment, what he spends his money on, etc. If he dodges the question, hold his feet to the fire. In order to be in a committed, healthy relationship, you have to establish honest lines of communication. You need to understand each other's values regarding many things, including money. So talk it out. Find out what his issues are around money and why he keeps coming to you to bail him out. Decide whether you intend to lend or give him money again. You may want to hold off on that until you are clear about what's going on.
DEAR HARRIETTE >> A dear friend of mine recently got me a job at the company she works for. She's one of the head supervisors. Since I started at the company, I have noticed that my other colleagues haven't warmed up to me. I am worried that because I am obviously close friends with a supervisor, the other employees don't feel comfortable around me. It has been challenging to find my place within the team and it seems like my coworkers are avoiding me. I don't want to be an outcast at work. How do I make friends with my coworkers? — Left Out
DEAR LEFT OUT >> You probably should cool your relationship with your supervisor friend at work. Agree to stop interacting with her all the time. Create space to get to know the rest of the team. Then work on building rapport with them. Identify one or two people you like and pay attention to them. Invite them for coffee or drinks after work. Set an intention to get to know them. Give it time. Building relationships takes effort and commitment. It can't seem performative on your part. You have to demonstrate that you truly want to know these people. You also cannot go back to your friend and share what you learn about them. Then you would be labeled a snitch, which would make your whole plan backfire.
Your friend got you into the company. It is up to you to craft how you will grow there. That requires building relationships with other people on the team.