Spouse is done with in-laws

DEAR AMY >> I can't stand my wife's family.

Things were great in the early years but became progressively worse over time.

Out of the blue, my father-in-law insisted on being called “Sir” after a decade of me calling him by his first name.

He worked hard and came from nothing, but acts like no one else but him can have a successful life or career.

He ALWAYS is passiveaggressive toward me.

My sister-in-law intentionally invaded my personal space and basically sexually harassed me in order to make me uncomfortable, in addition to directing insults at me in front of her parents.

My wife ignores or doesn't acknowledge this, but after her sister admitted it and apologized to her (not me) for doing this, my wife acted like it's no big deal.

The mother-inlaw (RIP) would ignore me in my own house while visiting my kids.

I told my wife that I don't want to be around her family; they make me uncomfortable and treat me like a loser. (I am a hard-working RN with a master's degree).

Am I wrong for not wanting to be around them?

Should my wife lay off and let me be?

I don't care if she sees them. I want to do right by our two young daughters. Your advice?

— Done with in-laws

DEAR DONE >> I think the essential problem here is with your relationship with your wife.

Based on your narrative, it seems that you haven't pushed back at your inlaws' mistreatment; nor has your wife encouraged you, defended you or advocated for you with her family. If you and she had found a way to present a united front during your frequent contact with her family, you might have been able to basically teach them how to treat you. At this point you obviously feel bullied by all of them.

Because these in-laws seem to be in your life quite a bit (versus an occasional far-off visit), yes, you should limit your contact with them.

But I also urge you to seek professional counseling with your wife.

She seems to be in a strong alliance with her family, so if you simply withdraw completely from them, this alliance could turn into a widening gulf between you, which now would involve your children.

You don't want these people to train your kids to bully you.