Dreading the holiday season can be worked out
QI'm dreading the holidays. I have a coworker whom I adore, but every holiday she berates me for not getting in the spirit: not wearing a Halloween costume, etc. Last Christmas, she wanted everyone to wear an ugly Christmas sweater. When I nicely said I didn't own one and wasn't interested, she called me a Grinch several times.
Any advice on how to handle this?
— Anonymous
A
The next time this comes up, tell your co-worker that while you love working with her, embracing the holiday spirit is not something you're interested in, and that it is frustrating to always be put in the position of having to decline her invitations when you've made it clear, several times, that you don't want to wear a Halloween costume or an ugly Christmas sweater or Easter Bunny ears or whatever. If that makes you a Grinch, so be it, but for the sake of this friendship, share that you'd appreciate it if she could respect your preferences the way you respect hers.
Racist comments from the next desk
QI work as a front-desk receptionist at a nonprofit organization that serves a rural community. I have been in this position for more than 5.5 years. I have heard sexist, racist, anti-LGBTQ and antisemitic remarks from our clientele. In this conservative, nearly all-white Appalachian area, such views are sadly common. I do not respond, even though I am deeply offended. A few weeks ago, however, a colleague made blatantly racist comments to me about Mexicans and African Americans. This is the second time she has done so. She knows that I travel frequently to Mexico, and that my husband is not white.
I complained to the director of our branch, who is gay, and suggested that our organization could benefit from diversity training. She dismissed my idea and said I needed to understand my colleague's background — she has never left the area and is uneducated. Basically, I was told to tolerate my colleague's intolerance.
I have considered contacting the chief executive of our nonprofit, which is headquartered in a larger, college town that is more diverse. I suspect he would be more willing to take action, but I do not want to throw my director under the bus. What would you suggest?
As you clearly understand, there is no excuse for your colleague's racism. Hailing from a rural place is not carte blanche for bigotry, nor are rural origins synonymous with bigotry. Your colleague is racist, and while people are free to air their bigotries during their free time, they shouldn't be doing so in the workplace. Your director is either avoiding confrontation or she is not taking this problem seriously. You should not have to tolerate intolerance.
If your director continues to be dismissive, you should absolutely reach out to the chief executive. In general, I don't recommend snitching, but this isn't some petty workplace concern. And addressing this isn't throwing your director under the bus. This is a very real problem that deserves a serious response. If she is not up to that responsibility, she will have to deal with the consequences of putting you in the unfortunate position of going around her. That said, perhaps you could reach out to the chief executive and make the case for diversity training without referring to your racist colleague or the director. I doubt this is a situation that diversity training will ameliorate, but you never know.