Autistic worker desperately requires more clarity

QI am a midcareer professional woman at a large corporation and I am autistic. I love and excel at my actual work, but communicating with my colleagues feels like a perpetually escalating and unwinnable war. This is especially true with anyone who has direct authority over my work. Although I'm not “out” with my autism, I have been open about my preference for direct communication, clear expectations and specific feedback, yet I continue to receive vague directions and feedback with no supporting details. I've stopped asking clarifying questions, because I was told doing so is inappropriate and annoying. When I do what I think my job is, I'm accused of overstepping and/or purposely doing it wrong. I am confused and exhausted.

AYou're navigating so much here and I completely understand your confusion and exhaustion. You've been clear about your communication needs, and I'm not sure why your colleagues are unable to respond accordingly. The issue seems more to be that you're working for people who are poor managers and communicators than one related to autism. Nothing you've asked for is unreasonable.

You don't indicate why you haven't disclosed your autism to your employer, and I've no doubt it is a difficult decision, either way. The benefit of disclosure is that you will receive more employment protections under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and you can request specific accommodations because of your disability. Would it be possible to disclose to your supervisor, and work with that person to create a communication plan? Sometimes, people are more willing to do something if they are clear on why it is being asked of them or, to be blunt, if there is a legal imperative.

Of course, it's ridiculous that they don't seem to understand what you mean by “direct communication, clear expectations and specific feedback,” but you may need to provide examples so they know, even more precisely, what you mean.