How ‘Ted’ deals with mental illness
My dad left when I was very young. I was crushed. God used this local body of believers to provide me with father figures.” wrote my young relative. Let’s call him "Ted."
The men fathered him through childhood, marriage and various health issues without ever realizing he suffered a chronic illness.
After a lay-off, Ted landed his dream job in another state far away from home. Within two weeks he and his family moved to the new city with heavy traffic, high rent and people intense about work and play. “My family found close friends. I didn’t,” he said.
He called a hometown friend. After hanging up he realized, “I felt refreshed and homesick.” Things worsened.
At church, “I feared talking with people. So I stayed in the car.”
At work, “I couldn’t move my mouse to open a program or type in a search term. I was petrified that something bad would happen.”
In social gatherings, “My social anxiety soared. I started scratching myself really hard.”
Ted went to see a psychiatrist and told him he saw, heard and talked with angels, demons and biblical figures. “I tried not interacting, and the experiences diminished. It is like having a TV on in the same room. I can’t turn it off, but I can try to focus on other things.”
The doctor diagnosed schizophrenia, prescribed an anti-psychotic and gave him a copy of Cognitive Behavior Therapy to read.
“Schizophrenia is a big scary diagnosis. No one knows what causes it, or how to cure it,” he said. He read the book and found helpful techniques. He also realized, “I missed my hometown and the relationships I had there. I felt unsafe and thought I would feel safer back home.”
“I want to go home,” he told his wife.
“What is best for Ted is what’s best for all of us,” she agreed and began packing.
They returned as they had left - in a whirlwind – but without a job. Still, he had his church family’s support and friends reminding him to trust God. Some noticed he lacked facial expressions and responded slowly in conversations. “This was mainly the side effects of the medications. I knew I would never be able to hold a job as long as I took them. Some people need medication. I have a mild case of schizophrenia compared to some, and the meds made most of my symptoms way worse.”
With the support of a psychiatric nurse practitioner, his wife and a friend, Ted slowly weaned himself off the medications and developed other ways to manage his symptoms. He called the nurse “a God-send.”
“Shortly after going off meds, I landed a work from home job. I’m not sure how I’d do if I had to go to an office every day. My symptoms are a continuing issue. I need a lot of downtime, a lot of sleep and sometimes to be left alone.”
Three years after returning home, feeling confident and involved with the church men again, Ted realized keeping his condition a secret magnified the stigma. “My symptoms haven’t changed, but my attitude toward them has,” he said. It was time to tell the church, encourage others with mental health issues and recognize the indispensable help he had received.
Recently he stood up at the chapel to say it’s a “relief being here with men who have known me since childhood and continue to be an important part of my life.” Knowing he still could get worse, Ted feels blessed to have the community support he needs for his illness.