Bad babysitter sits in for sleepy husband

DEAR AMY » I can’t stand my mother-in-law.

I think that she is a terrible person.

All she does is gossip, make herself out to be the hero in every situation, and judge others.

She was a terrible mother to her children (her daughter is estranged from her). The only reason my husband keeps her around is because she’s “family.”

He has told me on multiple occasions that he doesn’t like her, but that he has to love her.

Regardless, she comes over when I’m working (I work three days a week from 5 to 11 a.m.), and my husband wants to sleep in.

She will sit on the couch and scold my kids whenever they make noise or want to play.

Then she goes around bragging about what a great grandmother she is and how she has to come over because I’m “too busy to be a mother.”

It’s just so frustrating because I’m the one constantly getting judged for everything, while my husband gets to sleep in and not do anything around the house.

I really don’t want her to come over so often, but anytime I bring it up to my husband, it starts an argument. — Upset

DEAR UPSET » You don’t mention what work your husband does, but unless he works a night shift, he should get out of bed in the mornings in order to take care of his children. This is what good parents do. Otherwise, it would look as if your husband is “too sleepy to be a father.”

Generally, you should assume that anyone listening to your mother-inlaw vent will see through her obvious bias. Push back only when you must, but otherwise — disengage.

DEAR AMY » Most of my friends have retired very comfortably.

I, unfortunately, am not able to retire.

These retired friends have now started traveling a lot and will either group text, post on Facebook, or email pictures of their beautiful vacations, the restaurants they’re eating at, the lovely hotels they’re staying at, and the plays and concerts they’re attending.

How do I ask them not to share all the pictures they’re sending, without sounding jealous or upset?

— Actually Jealous

DEAR JEALOUS » I sugges a two-pronged approach. First: Quietly decrease your exposure to these triggers by exiting from the text stream, muting the posts on social media, and creating a “rule” for your email, where emails from certain people automatically land in a folder, to be opened only when you have the strength.

Second: Use humor to wink at your own situation and “flip the script.”

Here’s your narrative: “It’s a sweltering 4 degrees today in downtown Fargo, and I’m currently enjoying some precious time in the sun, while also getting in my morning workout of shoveling out my car!” (Post a photo.)

Your use of humor should never demean your friends’ good fortune but is a way for you to demonstrate that you might be down for now, but you’re not out.