Merry Sunshine can’t keep smiling

DEAR AMY » I am the kind of person that always puts on a brave face — no matter what I’m going through.

The past two years have been very difficult for me.

I’ve suffered financially, physically, and emotionally.

Through it all I’m always there for others — encouraging them and offering a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on.

I am currently going through something very difficult, and I just don’t have the strength to smile through it.

I also don’t have the strength for people to trauma dump on me or to continuously want to know what’s wrong with me since I’m not making myself available to help them through their issues.

How do I politely tell people to please leave me alone while I work through this?

— Exhausted

DEAR EXHAUSTED » It is completely natural for you to want to retreat. And if privacy is what you need — then that is what you should have.

However — I hope you could imagine the possibility of receiving support from some of the very people you seek to avoid.

If they are trauma vampires, then definitely back away. But some of the people in your life who have been taking from you might be grateful to be offered the opportunity to give back. You will never know their capabilities until you reveal your own vulnerability.

Any statement you make should be clear and concise — and you should be prepared to repeat it.

Something like: “I’m going through some difficult stuff right now and I need some privacy while I work things out. I’ll get in touch down the road. I appreciate your patience.”

People — even people who care very much about you — will be uncomfortable with this, because if you change your way of relating to them, then they might have to change.

I hope you are lucky enough to have at least one person in your life who doesn’t expect you to be Merry Sunshine.

DEAR AMY » Responding to “Nervous,” who had planned and then canceled her wedding (due to the pandemic), my husband and I canceled the planned big wedding, got married in a small ceremony, and then sent out invitations to our family for an “I do BBQ.”

On the invitation we had a photo of us from the small wedding with the announcement that we decided to basically elope and that we were inviting others to celebrate with us in our backyard the following weekend.

I have absolutely no regrets.

— Finally Married

DEAR MARRIED » I like it!