Couple must learn the art of compromise

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I have a wonderful, stable, and loving relationship. We welcomed a new baby this year.

Neither set of our parents live in our state (on the

West Coast), and it’s hard not to have a helpful “village” nearby.

We have a great group of friends, but lately I’ve felt unsettled.

I’ve lived in our city for more than seven years, and the crime rate has increased over the last few years, making me feel unsafe.

Our city has become trashed, and it feels like a skeleton of what it used to be.

I would like to move to be closer to my parents and try a different city and a new adventure.

My husband is opposed to moving because he loves our current city and our friends here. The thought of leaving makes him sad.

We are at a crossroads because I’m unhappy if we stay, and he could be unhappy if we go.

Separating isn’t an option, we’re too in love to live apart.

We plan to visit my parents over the holidays to vet out if a move is something we’d like to do, but what if we both don’t want to?

It’s a major thing to compromise on.

What do you suggest? Should I stay or should I go?

— Torn

DEAR TORN >> Do you remember the wording of the traditional wedding vow?

Marriage is not only about celebrating the “better.” It occasionally means tolerating the “worse” until both parties can agree on what is best for the family.

Compromise doesn’t always result in both parties being equally happy at the same time. Compromise sometimes involves one party saying, “I’ll do this for now, and we’ll agree to weight the scale in my favor next time.”

Some of this will be dependent on your jobs and employment options, but telecommuting has opened up possibilities for some families to choose where to live.

Your idea to explore location options together is a great one — and exactly what you should be doing.

You should both commit to communicating about this, and decide to keep an open mind while you search for a balance.

DEAR AMY >> I recently moved to a part of the country that is very white and very Baptist.

I am fine with people’s involvement with their churches, but how do I answer the common question around here about which church I belong to?

I am not especially religious, and I grew up in the Jewish faith.

DEAR NOT SURE >> There are definitely regions of the country where, “What’s your church” is a common “getting to know you” question.

“I’m not especially religious, and I grew up in the Jewish faith” works well. It also has the advantage of being true.