Enterprise-Record (Chico)

Holiday visit leads to weighty conflict

- Amy Dickinson

DEAR AMY >> Every year I spend the holidays at my sister’s house.

The past couple of years have been a little crazy for us. Our mother passed away in the early stages of the pandemic.

Then I was furloughed from my job, and my boyfriend decided I was no fun and broke up with me, so over the past few years I slowly (like many of us) put on a few pounds.

My sister always comments on my weight. Always.

I had barely arrived at her house before she was telling me that I needed to lose weight, or I would die. This went on the whole time I was there. She mentioned she had also written an email to my ex about my weight. She added that our daughters were in danger, since they had also put on weight.

It blew my mind that she had the nerve to do that. I confirmed this with my ex once I returned home. He said that when he didn’t respond to her email, she sent another, demanding a response from him.

I was floored, it was inexcusabl­e. I am not sure I can ever forgive her for this.

She is not without flaws herself and has her own family to care about. At one point we had talked about me moving close to her in the next few years since I am alone, but this last episode makes me question this and wonder if I should just cut my ties with her.

Family is family, but I feel she has oversteppe­d big time.

What do you think I should do?

— Weighty Issue

DEAR WEIGHTY >> Your sister doesn’t hesitate to “weigh in” (excuse the pun) on your situation in a very frank way, and so I suggest that it’s time for you to respond in a way that conveys your deep concern over her behavior — as well as the consequenc­es that will result if she refuses to alter her behavior.

You should send her an email. Thank her for hosting you over the holidays. Tell her, “Unfortunat­ely, your ongoing obsession with my weight makes it impossible for me to relate to you in the way I would like. You have totally crossed the line. From now on, this topic is off the table.”

She may respond defensivel­y — or double down by stating that she is just worried about you. You will then have to decide how to move forward: whether you believe your sister is capable of restraint, or whether it is healthier for you to keep your distance.

DEAR AMY >> “Tempting Trainer” is a physical trainer who described how he is having sexual relationsh­ips with clients.

I was surprised you never mentioned that this is a violation of his Personal Trainer profession­al Code of Conduct. He could lose his certificat­ion or be sued for sexual misconduct on the job.

— Concerned

DEAR CONCERNED >> Thank you for this informatio­n. At this point, being sued might be the least of this trainer’s problems. According to him, he has fathered three children with these women.

 ?? ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United States