THIS OLD THING?_
The coolest vintage finds were once irony-free promo gear. Now? They’re the clothes everyone will ask you about.
The vintage shop, tucked in the back of a Brooklyn strip mall, smelled like a grandparent’s bedroom. The best ones always do. It was fall, the sun had nearly set, and I was sifting through piles of T-shirts. It didn’t take long to find what I didn’t know I was looking for. The tee was so thin it was practically see-through. The font was zany. The graphic delightfully unhinged. It marked the occasion of Jacob’s bar mitzvah, back in ’86. Suddenly, I felt nostalgia for an event that happened before I was born—all thanks to a shirt unbound by what less imaginative shoppers might call good taste. In other words, it was perfect. Yes, we’ve been here before. Vintage is a perennial, but the codes shift over time. Chances are, if you were wearing a Rob’s Pizza tee in the ’60s, it meant you worked there (or really liked their sausage and pepperoni). By the irony-drenched ’90s, rocking a memento from a place that had closed and been converted into a dry cleaner before you had enough teeth to even consume pizza was all the rage. Today, it’s déjà vu all over again, baby. It’s time to reconsider vintage, and the day Jacob became a man should be your guiding light. Music merch—throwback rap and metal tees in particular— has reigned for the past half decade or so, spurred by designer iterations and actual secondhand pieces alike. But you should be on the lookout for more than what your favorite influencer’s favorite influencer has been posting for five years straight. Keep your eyes peeled for off-kilter gems advertising places you’ve never been, events you didn’t attend, and any other oddly specific sites and occasions. Or, better yet, track down some priceless ephemera from a local spot near and dear to your heart on eBay or Etsy. It’s all fair game. As for how to wear it: Mix and match with (relative) abandon. Pair a threadbare tee celebrating the theatrical release of a long-forgotten flick with a shaggy cardigan, slouchy jeans, and scuffed slipons. Top off your swankiest suit with a cap advertising a garage that went out of business before power windows came standard. Carry a bag emblazoned with the name of a ski resort that spent too much on a custom font. Just keep the actual vintage picks to one item per outfit—maybe two—lest you cross the Rubicon from “cool guy in 2021” to “extra on the set of Dazed and Confused.” But back to the bar mitzvah boy. Every time I wear his shirt, I feel a connection to a teenage dude decades older than me, one who would probably be thoroughly confused to see that shirt in the wild. And so to Jacob, I say thank you and mazel tov. Wish I could’ve been there to celebrate. If the shirt is anything to judge by, it seemed like a real blast.