THE MIND-SET SHIFT THAT HELPED KRISTINA SOAR

“When I was younger, I wouldn’t acknowledge my own feelings,” admits Kristina. “[Now] I would tell that girl that her voice matters. That you don’t need to give up so much of yourself all the time. That you need to honor yourself and what you’re feeling. Feelings are really important and if you’re ignoring them, the rest of your life is going to be in disarray. It’s one of the most important lessons I’ve learned.”

The key, notes Kristina, is taking the time to pinpoint your precise emotions—whether you’re lonely, disappointed, angry, anxious or irritated. “You can’t just say, ‘I feel bad.’ It’s ‘I feel…’ and fill in the blank. Sometimes we can’t fill in the blank because we don’t know what we’re feeling,” she says. “That’s when you need to tune in to, What do I feel right now? What’s going on with me? How do I want to behave based on my feelings?”

The payoff: Researchers at Northeastern University in Boston found that identifying specific emotions helped people cope 30 percent better because clearer language allows the brain to summon the right problem-solving skills to deal with the issue at hand.