get SNEAKY him WAYS to TO do more chores

There’s a mountain of evidence as high as your laundry pile that suggests real reasons (hormonal, neurological and societal) men fail in the housework department. But help is on the way. Here, how to outsmart this hardwiring to get you the break you deser

1 Assign him “emergency” tasks

Men are programmed to prefer non-routine or “emergency” activities, like fixing a leak. These jobs give them a surge of testosterone, which boosts confidence and energy. But the opposite is true for daily tasks like ensuring the family has nourishing meals to eat, says John Gray, Ph.D., author of Beyond Mars and Venus. “Routine nurturing activities— when not rushed—lower testosterone.” To get results, Gray suggests assigning your husband big in-the-moment tasks. “A bigger job means a bigger reward for him.”

2 Provide him with the right tools

Ever notice how men tend to disappear when there’s work to be done? Science suggests they aren’t just being passiveaggressive. “There is brain evidence that when men are under stress, they are more apt to withdraw from a situation than women,” says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. “He might be escaping the stress of a job he doesn’t feel he is skilled at.” To short-circuit this trigger, empower him with the right tools, like premeasured laundry pods and stain-erasing pens, to remove the stress and guesswork.

3 Ask for a deadline

Women are programmed to respond to needs right away (think of waking to night-feed a newborn). So we get annoyed when men drag their feet about household duties, saying, ‘I’ll get around to it.’ The fix? Establish a timeline, suggests Jancee Dunn, author of How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids. Say, “If you can’t change this light bulb now, can you give me your expected deadline?’” Why it works, according to psychotherapist Jean Fitzpatrick, Ph.D., (TherapistNYC.com): “He is no longer complying with his partner’s nagging; he is meeting his own goal.”

4 Put it in writing

When we’re irritated, the negative tone in our voice can send men running to avoid an argument. So Gray suggests removing the emotion from a request. “Writing it in the least number of words will have the biggest effect.” By eliminating tone and eye contact, which make up 90 percent of communication, men are left with only the facts. There’s even a benefit to adding multiple items to that “honey-do” list: Men are taught to spring into action in emergencies, so as the list grows, they’re more likely to go into “hero” mode.

5 Offer choices

“Men are socialized to assert their independence and question authority,” says Dunn. Considering the male mind bristles when it senses its being ordered around, try giving him options so he doesn’t feel controlled. Say, “We have laundry, dishes and mopping to do today. Which one would you like to tackle?” Dunn adds, “I do it all the time—it works. I just asked my husband, ‘Do you want to take our daughter to the park this morning or to swimming lessons this afternoon?’”

6 Give him a reason

The advice marriage expert Gary Chapman, Ph.D., author of The 5 Love Languages, offers: “Request, don’t demand.” Yet it’s frustrating when our spouse doesn’t seem to recognize the importance of a request. The work-around: Add the word “because.” Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer Ph.D., found that providing a reason makes others (men and women) more likely to comply. Instead of just saying, “Will you take out the trash?” add, “because I’ll be getting the kids ready and I don’t want them to be late.”