Are you holding yourself back?

You’re capable of more than you imagine, but negative thoughts tell you otherwise. To the rescue: Experts share their strategies for overcoming self-doubt

Lots of opportunities come your way this time of year, from a chance to spearhead the church food drive to an opportunity to serve on the town council. Yet instead of stepping up and sharing your talents, you secondguess yourself and let chances to shine slip by. What’s stopping you?

“‘Limiting beliefs,’ or negative perceptions about your abilities, play a big role in how you see yourself,” says Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., coauthor of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice. For example, when struggling with a new skill, you might think, I can’t do anything right. “These beliefs become your ‘go-to place,’ and you reinforce them anytime something doesn’t go well.” That’s how one unflattering photo can lead to a cascade of put-downs like, I’ll never get in shape.

But these beliefs don’t reflect your actual abilities: “It’s important to realize these thoughts have nothing to do with what you can or can’t do,” says Firestone. “These self-critical voices keep you in a box and give bad advice, telling you not to try new things that you might end up really enjoying and succeeding at.”

By consciously challenging the selfdefeating beliefs, you can unleash a new fearless you, assures positive psychology expert Louisa Jewell, author of Wire Your Brain for Confidence. “Through practice, you can change your self-talk so negative ruminations are no longer habitual and you can move very quickly and easily toward your goals.” First, identify the script that’s keeping you stuck, then read on for advice to finding freedom.

Limiting belief “I’m not enough”

You’ve been toying with joining your volunteer group’s outreach committee, but when the sign-up sheet comes around, you think, I’m

not outgoing enough. “Your negative beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies,” warns Jewell. “It’s a cycle: You’re not motivated to engage in behaviors necessary for change because you don’t think you’ll be successful, so your performance never gets better, and that reinforces your belief.”

Freeing affirmation “That’s just not true”

“Gather evidence proving that the negative belief is not true,” advises Jewell. Start by making the opposite argument (Of course I’m outgoing). This cues your mind to look for examples to support this. So you might recall the time coworkers praised your openness at a networking event or the fun you had hosting a friend’s birthday party. “This sends a signal to your belief system: ‘You did that. You can do it again.’”

Limiting belief “I’ve always been ”

Despite a close friend’s encouragement, you decline her invitation to join a Couch to 5K

program because you think, I’ve always been a terrible athlete.

“In this particular area, you lack self-efficacy, and you put a label on yourself that lowers your selfesteem and saps your courage,” observes Jewell. “The self-doubt manifests in self-sabotaging behaviors of keeping to the sidelines so you can avoid judgment.”

Freeing affirmation “I can see myself differently”

Picture yourself being successful: Imagine meeting your pal for evening walks or seeing your legs get defined. “You’re building self-efficacy because you’re creating this success imagery in your head—it tricks your brain into believing you’ve done it before,” explains Jewell. In fact, in one study, people who imagined doing wrist exercises for a month had twice the strength of those who didn’t visualize.

Limiting belief “It’s too late”

You’ve always dreamed of starting a makeup consulting business, but you tell yourself the window of opportunity has passed. “You can tell a limiting belief has been triggered when your glass goes from half full to half empty,” says Firestone. “That negative frame is not so much coming from what happened but from what you tell yourself about it.” In this case, time has passed, but you draw conclusions, saying, I missed my chance.

Freeing affirmation “If she can do it, I can do it”

“Find someone your age who’s pursued the path you want to take,” advises Jewell. Search online or ask friends if they know women running artistic start-ups as a second career. Once you find an example and study her success, you’ll begin to think, I can do that! “A lot of self-doubt is socially constructed,” says Jewell. “Seeing what your peers are doing has a big influence on your beliefs about how you fit into the world.”

Limiting belief “I should”

The minute you even think about taking a risk by bucking the expectations of others and voicing an opinion that may be controversial, a million “shoulds” pop into your head, such as, I should just keep my mouth shut. “We grow up with a lot of ‘shoulds,’ and those demands often get internalized—what you can and can’t do, how you should feel,” explains Firestone. “It’s so easy to think, This is just the way things are, there’s nothing I can do, and lose track of the fact that there’s actually a lot you can control.”

Freeing affirmation “I choose”

Framing your actions as deliberate choices (like, I choose to say X) gives you the option of responding in a less habitual way, says Firestone. “When you consider going against a limiting belief, the negative inner voices initially get louder and you’ll feel anxious. But you can choose to see anxiety as a sign you’re moving in the right direction and decide to push through.” Making an intentional decision about what to say empowers you to defy outside pressures. “When you start to resist the ‘shoulds,’ your limiting thoughts will change and stop directing your life.”