Emotional exhaustion

Your generous heart needs you as much as others do! Here, how to recharge a tired spirit and restore your vim and vigor

No matter what it takes—a loving squeeze, an attentive ear, kind words—you’re always there to brighten someone’s mood. But some days it’s hard to ignore the weariness that comes from hiding your own emotions while you’re busy supporting others.

“Emotional labor, or the emotional effort and energy put into day-to-day living, including creating and maintaining relationships, is real labor that requires rest and restoration,” notes Susan David, Ph.D., author of Emotional Agility. So when you force a smile to mask your tiredness, worry or sadness in order to cheer up a friend, it takes a toll. “Women are so involved in the emotional energy of keeping things running,” says David. “It’s exhausting.”

And while you love being a buoy for all the people in your life, it’s tough to keep shouldering others’ burdens when you don’t get a turn to feel cared for: “Pretending your uncomfortable feelings don’t exist or ignoring them to put on a happy face makes emotional labor even worse,” explains David. “You might be feeling down, and when you try to push those difficult emotions aside to keep things running smoothly, the emotions come back greater and stronger.”

The good news? David says embracing painful feelings—instead of bottling them up—can help you reclaim some of your own emotional sustenance. Simply identify the feeling that plagues you most often, then read on for expert advice on how to safeguard your precious inner resources.