TO STAND UP TO A TAKER

State your needs this way

First For Women - - Insight -

Your neigh­bor only ap­pears when she wants some­thing: fa­vors, ad­vice, money, time. “Th­ese peo­ple have ‘malig­nant in­tu­ition,’” says Dr. Northrup. “They know ex­actly what you’re long­ing to hear.” That could be any­thing from ‘You’re such a great lis­tener!’ to ‘You’re so sweet!’ “They pull you in with a sob story and you want to be of ser­vice, but then they’re never there for you in re­turn.”

What to say when she’s got her hand out? “First, state a pre­ferred fu­ture,” sug­gests Shasta Nel­son, au­thor of Fri­en­ti­macy: How to Deepen Friend­ships for Life­long Health and Hap­pi­ness. For ex­am­ple, you could say, “I want to feel like our re­la­tion­ship has equal give-and-take.” Then express what you need and in­vite her to prob­lem-solve.” Try: “I don’t want to be put in this po­si­tion any­more. What can we do to make our in­ter­ac­tions more bal­anced?” Says Nel­son, “I have found few peo­ple out there want­ing to ma­li­ciously hurt oth­ers, so the chal­lenge is stat­ing what you need in a kind way.” Af­ter clearly com­mu­ni­cat­ing where you stand, the ball is in her court—you can’t con­trol her re­sponse, but you can walk away with your heart still open, know­ing you have your own back.

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