Silence self-doubt

Triggering everything from stress to depression, shame is known as the “master” negative emotion. But experts promise you can slay this monster and boost your happiness

Your friend tells you something in confidence, and you keep it close to the vest…until you let it slip to a mutual pal. The second the words leave your mouth, you tell yourself,

I’m such a bad friend. In the grip of a shame vortex that feels more powerful than gravity, you just want to sink into the floor and disappear. “Unlike guilt, which is sparked by the belief that we did something bad, shame is the belief that we are bad,” explains psychologist June P. Tangney, Ph.D., coauthor of Shame and Guilt.

While even the word shame is so “heavy” that it seems to press into this page like a lead stamp, it doesn’t just rear its head after profound trip-ups. In fact, researcher Brené Brown, Ph.D., writes in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, “People often want to believe shame is reserved for folks who have survived terrible traumas, but this is not true. Shame is something we all experience.”

Whether we’re berating ourselves for letting someone down or beating ourselves up for perceived “flaws” in our own bodies, the everyday shards of shame cut deeply, notes Tangney, who says they wound not only our selfworth, but our physical health, triggering stress chemicals linked with chronic diseases like arthritis and heart disease.

And unlike guilt, which often motivates us to improve or correct our mistakes, shame burrows into our psyche, threatening to become part of us. Fortunately, there are feel-good tactics proven to take away its power, helping you usher in courage and confidence!