THE FAT JUST DISAPPEARS

Experts reveal how to let go of both old wounds and everyday slights so you can move forward with joy and peace!

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As early as our preschool days, we’re taught the importance of forgiving. Whether another child snatched our toy or our sibling pulled our hair, letting go of grudges seemed fairly straightforward. But as we grew older and our relationships became more complex, so did the process of forgiveness. Does it require reconciliation? What if they don’t deserve it? Such doubts keep us holding on to toxic emotions, from anger to resentment, compounding the pain of the initial disappointment or affront.

One misconception that often foils our ability to forgive is our belief that it benefits the person who wronged us. But in truth, it’s a gift we give ourselves. “Forgiveness is the active resolution of our grief,” says Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project. “When we’ve been let down, our brain needs time to adapt to this destabilizing information. That’s what grieving is, and forgiveness helps us let go of the past so we can heal.”

Proven to hike self-esteem and boost resilience, forgiveness also opens our heart literally and figuratively, says

Robert Enright, Ph.D., of the International Forgiveness Institute. “In one study, when cardiac patients forgave a past wrong, and later retold the story of the incident, they experienced significantly more blood flow to their heart.” Appropriately, Enright’s poetic shorthand for forgiveness is a “softened heart,” or having compassion for others and ourselves.

While its benefits are clear, forgiveness can be difficult to extend, especially when our feelings are still raw. That’s why we asked experts for easy ways to free ourselves of common “grudge traps” and embrace this truly restorative emotion.