Stress SOS: Stop apologizing!

The key to happy confidence? Stop apologizing! Women are twice as likely as men to say ‘I’m sorry,’ no matter the situation—and that has a sneaky way of increasing stress and lowering selfesteem. Here, experts share easy ways to cure the need-to-please disease

You call your sister to talk about a recent financial setback, but before you even begin, you find yourself saying, “I’m sorry to bother you.” Sound familiar? Apologizing has become a reflex for so many of us: Sorry to ask…Sorry I can’t do more… Sorry I sneezed. This knee-jerk reaction not only dials up our stress levels, it compromises our self-esteem.

Women are hardwired to apologize, reveals neuroscientist Kristen Willeumier, Ph.D., author of Biohack Your Brain, explaining that we show more activity than men in the emotion and bonding center of the brain. “We want to keep everyone happy,” she says. “But this well-intentioned impulse contributes to ‘sorry syndrome,’ which feeds self-doubt.”

While genuine apologies for something we’ve done wrong make us feel better and provide a sense of closure, women who apologize for innocuous things report feeling deflated, says Maja Jovanovic, Ph.D., author of Hey Ladies, Stop Apologizing. “Every needless sorry emboldens our inner critic.”

Thankfully, we can break free of “I’m sorry” syndrome. “When we release anxiety caused by constantly apologizing for ourselves, we’re able to take back our power and respond in a way that serves our highest good,” assures Willeumier. Here, easy ways to turn off the stress-fueled sorry spigot and build true confidence.