STRAIGHT TALK! WHY PARIS CAN’T FILL ZSA ZSA’S PUMPS!
UH-OH, Paris Hilton — the monster who spawned Kim Kardashian — is back and desperately trying to claw her way into relevance!
The reality TV airhead — who is now an overpaid DJ at parties attended by Eurotrash vampires — is trying to regain the limelight in America by posing nude, wrapped in a microphone cord and nothing else.
But here’s the problem. Paris is a no-talent B-O-R-E — even when she starred in a “leaked” sex tape where she showed more interest in keeping her makeup smudge-free than romping in bed.
She has nothing to offer the public — unlike her distant relative Zsa Zsa Gabor, who wed Paris’ hotel czar great-grandpa, Conrad Hilton. Zsa Zsa made up in charisma what she lacked in talent. The nine-times married Hungarian vixen — who died at age 99 in 2016 — became a talk show staple solely because of her wicked wit.
Here are some of Zsa Zsa’s slyly clever remarks that made her famous — even without a crude sex video:
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
Now, here’s Paris’ wisdom: “When Paris has to pee, Paris has to pee!”
And the kids wonder why we miss the Good Old Days.