STRAIGHT TALK! WHY PARIS CAN’T FILL ZSA ZSA’S PUMPS!
UH-OH, Paris Hilton — the monster who spawned Kim Kardashian — is back and desperately trying to claw her way into relevance!
The reality TV airhead — who is now an overpaid DJ at parties attended by Eurotrash vampires — is trying to regain the limelight in America by posing nude, wrapped in a microphone cord and nothing else.
But here’s the problem. Paris is a no-talent B-O-R-E — even when she starred in a “leaked” sex tape where she showed more interest in keeping her makeup smudge-free than romping in bed.
She has nothing to offer the public — unlike her distant relative Zsa Zsa Gabor, who wed Paris’ hotel czar great-grandpa, Conrad Hilton. Zsa Zsa made up in charisma what she lacked in talent. The nine-times married Hungarian vixen — who died at age 99 in 2016 — became a talk show staple solely because of her wicked wit.
Here are some of Zsa Zsa’s slyly clever remarks that made her famous — even without a crude sex video:
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
Now, here’s Paris’ wisdom: “When Paris has to pee, Paris has to pee!”
And the kids wonder why we miss the Good Old Days.
Dim bulb Hilton shows none of the wit displayed by Gabor, her greatgranddad’s glamorousex-wife