HOLLYWOOD NEEDS SWIFT REBOOT IN THE BUTT!
MOVIE bigwigs once again showed their stupidity — and greed — by tampering with classics when they should’ve left well enough alone.
In the last 12 months, Hollywood’s dim-witted honchos released three pathetic remakes of classic flicks — Mary Poppins, Death Wish and Star Wars — hoping to cash in on showbiz’s raging Reboot Fever that’s also spawned a slew of TV flops.
Thankfully, the original Mary Poppins, Julie Andrews, was immune to the plague. She turned down $1 million for a cameo in Mary Poppins Returns, starring Emily Blunt.
While Emily is a decent actress, Julie will always be Mary in the hearts and minds of kids and grownups who’ve seen the original. So Emily’s efforts were, well, lame by comparison.
The same goes for Bruce Willis, who should’ve known better than to try and fill the late, great movie tough guy Charles Bronson’s brogans!
We’ve got news for Brucie — your silly smirking doesn’t pass for Bronson’s macho snarl.
And casting wishy-washy
Alden Ehrenreich as Star Wars swashbuckler Han Solo in Solo: A Star Wars Story proves The Farce runs strong in Hollywood.
This snotty-nosed pretty boy is no Harrison Ford!
But sadly, Hollywood history keeps repeating itself.
A few years back, fathead film producers remade The
Ten Commandments, calling it Exodus: Gods and Kings with Christian Bale as biblical hero Moses and Joel Edgerton as the Egyptian Pharaoh Rameses.
The movie bombed!
Batman Bale and Joel Who? couldn’t wear the sandals of Charlton Heston and Yul Brynner, who starred in the original.
Stupid Tinseltown moneymen just don’t get it.
The classics are classics BECAME their roles and the movies were perfection.
We say shame on these greedy Hollywood morons who tarnish iconic films in a desperate bid to make a quick buck.