BUT TRUE!

MARIJUANA sales in California have gone to pot after state officials issued a massive product recall when they determined a Sacramento lab faked cannabis potency and purity tests! Sequoia Analytical Labs was shuttered after director Marc Foster was exposed for lying about the results of pesticide tests on nearly 20,000 pounds of pot flowers, edibles and other items.

MARGARET and Smith Burke were terrorized by a masked intruder who broke into their North Carolina home through a doggie door — a rabid raccoon! The diseased critter shrieked as it chased the family pets until the couple’s son subdued it with a curtain rod. The raccoon was taken away by authorities and killed.

CHINESE scientists have learned how to convert common copper into gold! The process uses heat and argon and transforms a “chicken” into a “phoenix,” says team leader Professor Sun Jian. The discovery is expected to impact precious metal prices.

HOUSTON’S Rakhi Desai got a teddy bear during an office gift exchange — then discovered it was stuffed with human remains! The bear — issued by the Neptune Society, which specializes in cremations — had been bought at a garage sale.