IT’S TOTALLY BATS! PATTINSON TOO WIMPY TO PLAY CAPED CRUSADER!
BAD news for Batman fans! The new guy playing the muscle-poppin’
Caped Crusader in three upcoming flicks is a pasty-faced skin ‘n’ bones English fop — Robert Pattinson.
Pattinson is mainly known for playing the “sensitive” vampire Edward Cullen in the Twilight flicks, where he could get away with being a bony wimp because bloodsuckers are immortal with super strength no matter what they look like.
But at six-foot-one, 165 pounds, he’s a string bean, who looks more like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz than the SOCK-POW-BAM, tights-wearing vigilante.
Unlike Superman or Thor, Batman doesn’t have special powers. HE battles crime using human strength, honed fighting skills, helpful gadgets and allAmerican ingenuity.
So to be believable, the cowlwearing crook-buster needs to have some beef when he’s pounding goons into mush.
The actors playing these parts usually start off with a buff bod and then add workouts with trainers and special diets to pack on extra muscle.
The last two Batmen — Christian Bale and Ben Affleck — were beefy hunks who could fill out their tights.
But according to Tinseltown buzz, Pattinson is such a bag of bones, he’s having trouble bulking up and it’s reportedly holding up shooting of the flick slated for a June 2021 release.
We can’t blame Pattinson for jumping at the chance to snare the role of such a big-budget franchise.
Since the Twilight epics, he’s been in a string of forgettable, nosediving snooze flicks.
The real fault is the numbskull studio execs who picked a beanpole to be the next Batman.
They had their choice of hundreds of hunks and ended up picking a skinny twit, who’ll likely wear an outfit pumped with fake rubber muscles. Obviously, these bigwigs have bats in their belfries!