Silent suffering
Middle-aged men at risk of suicide in Conn.
The apparent suicides of two men in Darien and Stamford this week were tragic evidence of a reality some might find shocking: Middle-aged men are at far more at risk of suicide in Connecticut than women or men of other ages.
Stamford police on Friday identified the man who shot himself in a parking lot on Harvard Avenue sometime Wednesday morning as 49-year-old Steven Fockens, of Greenwich. Police have not yet released the name of the 50-year-old man who they said ran onto the train tracks and was struck by a train and killed in Darien on Thursday night.
Circumstances of their lives surely differed, but each of those lives appear to have ended as part of a grim trend dating back at least 25 years: Men in the state kill themselves at an alarming rate. Last year, it was close to one per day.
In 2017, 304 men killed themselves, to 98 women, according to statistics from the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner. Also in 2017, the most common age for men to take their own lives was between 50 and 59 years old, when 72 men killed themselves.
That was followed by those aged 40 to 49 when 45 men killed themselves, the medical examiner’s statistics show.
“Unfortunately during the holiday season historically we have seen an increase of suicides and suicide attempts,” said Stamford Police Capt. Richard Conklin. Anyone having suicidal thoughts should call a hotline or find someone to talk to even if that means a police officer, who will help, he said.
“Any loved ones, associates, fellow workers hearing about someone going through tough times should not disregard this. Give us a call and we can interact with this person and hopefully get them the help they need,” Conklin said.
Andrew Gerber, president and medical director at Silver Hill Hospital in New Canaan, said the holidays can “stir up a lot of negative feelings for a lot of people.”
During the holidays people can be exposed to family members who bring back painful experiences, he added.
“As a professional it’s not unusual for patients that I’m dealing with to speak about who they are going to see,” Gerber said. “In an extreme version that can lead to suicidal situations.”
Though Gerber said he isn’t aware of a percentage increase of suicides during the holidays, the winter season itself can contribute to depression.
“It’s been long known as the days get shorter and there’s less light certain people are affected by the amount of light available,” Gerber said.
Regardless of the cause, those suffering from negative emotions need to deal with them as they would a physical malady causing them to suffer.
“It’s very valuable to work with professionals to anticipate any situation,” Gerber said. “Then you can plan in advance how to deal with it.”
State health care professionals say to watch out for these warning behaviors in loved ones:
Threatening to hurt or kill themselves.
Looking for ways to kill themselves: seeking access to pills, weapons or other means.
Talking or writing about death, dying, or suicide.
Expressing hopelessness or a feeling of being trapped, or exhibiting rage, anger or a desire to seek revenge.
Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking.
Increasing alcohol or drug use.
Withdrawing from friends, family or society.
Expressing anxiety, agitation, the inability to sleep, or sleeping all the time.
Exhibiting dramatic mood changes.
For those struggling with mental health issues or contemplating suicide, there are resources that can offer support.
Young people in distress can call Mobile Crisis Intervention Services at 2-1-1 or 800-203-1234. Anyone can phone the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255.
If someone prefers written communication, Lifeline Crisis Chat is available 24/7 at chat.suicide preventionlifeline.org/ GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx