Oh! What cases Mueller found!
“We chose those words carefully, and the work speaks for itself.”
– Special Counsel Robert Mueller, insisting that his final report contains everything he’s prepared to say. Investigations!
This is my last day. I’m off to Great Places! I’m off and away.
I’ve made my report And I’ve said what I said.
I am not coming back. Just consider me dead. I assembled a lot
Of the facts that you need.
What I plainly forgot Is how few of you read. You yammer and tweet And you huff and you snort
It would really be sweet If you’d read the report OH!
THE CASES YOU’D FIND!
I found out so much Tell me where to begin. With Manafort, Cohen Or Michael T. Flynn? No, first let us search For a story of gremlins Who hack at our backs From their perch
In the Kremlin.
Way back in ’16, When you thought you were voting,
The gremlins were gurgling, gasping and gloating.
And meddling, peddling lies so unbearable
We wound up with President Ivan the Terrible
There was so much to say,
There was so much to do, That I laid out the case As Thing One and Thing Two.
Thing One is that tale Of the agents who scoot in
And substitute Lenin or Trotsky or Putin
For our JFKs, LBJs, FDRs
None of them perfect; at least they were ours.
Thing Two is what gives me
A headache so splitting, For you can’t pin a crime
On a president sitting, Which leads to his shameless
Pronouncements I dread so.
If I found him blameless Then I would have said so.
Did Donald obstruct me?
I’ll give you three guesses.
He bloviates, blusters, Lies and b.s.es
He tried to elude me, Confuse me and throw me
He sat on Jeff Sessions And ousted Jim Comey. And then came the worst
Since this whole thing began.
He ordered my sacking By Donald McGahn OH!
THE CASES I FOUND! There was evidence near,
There was evidence far. In the end, though, I fear
It came down to Bill Barr.
When they made him AG
Then our confidence sank.
We pegged him as cagey, Knew he’d go in the tank.
This isn’t a joke.
I have no sense of humor.
The fate of the state’s
With Pelosi and Schumer
So be your name Murphy
Or Courtney or Himes, Or Rosa DeLauro With which nothing rhymes,
Or Klobuchar, Gillibrand, Larson or, lastly, Manchin or Whitehouse Or Cornyn or Grassley From the Lake of the Ozarks
To the sands of Nevada, There’s a truth even Seinfeld Could not yadda-yadda There’s a thing you should do
If the king is unfit; If that statement is true, Then you must not acquit.