End of the conversation
Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 37 years. We have a fairly good marriage. However, when it comes to communication, there is much room for improvement.
I would very much like to get a second dog. I am 59 years old and home alone all day, as I am on disability. I have no friends to speak of, and my social life consists of the time and attention I give my dog. She is a standard schnauzer named Maggie Rose.
We can afford another dog. We have a big enough home, a fenced-in yard and all of the necessary things needed for responsible dog ownership.
The problem is that if I even bring up the subject, my wife will get very angry and immediately dismiss the idea without any discussion. We do not discuss issues in my home. If my wife gives her thumbs up, then it is a “go,” and if she gives it a thumbs-down, then it is a “no-go.”
There should be no reason why her refusal to get another dog should trump my desire to get another dog. Ideally, we should be able to sit down at the kitchen table and, lovingly and collegially, discuss the issue and mutually agree. Unfortunately, no such scenario exists.
I would be appreciative of any help you could give me. I would very much like to have another dog, as having dogs bring me much joy and needed company. I don’t ask for very much; I don’t understand why this is an issue. — Wanting a Brother or Sister for Maggie Rose
Dear Wanting : From what you say, your wife is acting like a dictator. What she says is law and that’s that. However, I’m also hearing that you don’t know why she’s a “no-go” on getting another dog. Start there.
After hearing her concerns, you can then share what this new dog will add to your life and the many studies that prove that dogs love to live in pairs, just like humans. They can play together, and when you and your wife leave the house, they have each other. It helps with all sorts of behavior issues that might arise with dogs, and it might help them live longer. But it will be your responsibility to care for this dog, not hers.
Your communication issues with your wife are bigger than a puppy pen, and I would highly encourage you to seek the advice of a counselor or therapist to learn how to share what’s on your mind.
Dear Annie: Soon, we will be returning to our barbers and salons, some of whom have had no income for months. Whenever possible, I’d like to suggest patrons pay them for the haircuts, manicures, etc. that we would have gotten had the pandemic not happened. At my next haircut with my longtime barber, I plan to pay for that one plus the three or four I missed. It will not be a hardship for me (I’d have spent that money there anyway), and it may ease the pain for them. — Hairy in NJ Dear Hairy: I think this is a fantastic idea, and I encourage anyone who is able to follow your lead. I intend to.