Moms say teen girls are ‘asking for it’

Dear Amy: My women friends and I are all mothers of teenagers. Due to current events, we’ve discussed sexual assault and the roles and responsibilities of the various parties. One of my closest friends expressed the opinion that many girls these days “dress like tramps,” so it’s not surprising that boys respond sexually. She even said she had accused her own teenage daughter of this, and then turned to her 13-year-old son, saying that there are two kinds of girls: the ones you could take home to your family and the “other kind.”

My other good friend seemed to agree. I said I thought this was a huge mistake, and that she was teaching her son that it’s OK to mistreat girls.

In a separate conversation, three moms stated that they have told their sons that they need to watch out for girls these days, because girls are likely to falsely allege sexual assault. Another mom stated that, “The girls deserve what they get” because of the way they dress.

I asked her if she meant rape. She shrugged and said, “Maybe not rape, but I bet they like getting touched.” My two other friends nodded in agreement. I abruptly left, literally seeing red.

Amy, I am floored. I believe that girls should be respected, regardless of their clothing choices. Some of the women I’m describing are my best friends, and I’m struggling to reconcile their views with the kind people they otherwise are.

Your advice if this comes up again? Frustrated Friend Dear Frustrated: Your friends’ despicable “advice” to their teenage sons and daughters is not only ethically wrong, but it is placing other teens at risk.

Your own daughter, for example, is interacting with teenage boys who are being told that girls “deserve” to be touched against their will.

Yes, boys would be wise to “watch out” for girls these days, because girls these days are more likely to fight back or report unwanted touching or sexual assault, rather than silently suffer for years the way women in previous generations have done.

You should continue to advocate for advanced thinking with your friends in this regard. This will affect your friendship, because these women are showing you who they are. They are not good or responsible parents.

Ask Amy,

P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. e-mail: askamy@tribune.com