Husband criticizes wife’s interests
Dear Amy: I’m writing about a curious thing my husband does that tends to hurt my feelings. I’m not sure how inconsiderate he may be, or how over-sensitive I may be.
He tends to look for negative information about people and things that I like. He also does this for things that he likes.
For the most recent example, I regularly read the webcomic xkcd.
For no obvious reason, at dinner on Sunday, he handed me his phone with a lengthy blog post from a philosophy major about how dismissive the author of xkcd is toward people outside the STEM fields.
I’m not completely unsympathetic to philosophy majors, but I don’t really care. It’s just a funny comic.
This is one of many small examples. My husband recently stopped listening to music by two European musical groups he liked because he read they were linked to extreme right-wing causes.
He thinks it’s relevant or conversational to bring up things like this, but I feel like it’s a lot of little jabs at things I like.
Your thoughts? Don’t Knock my Stuff Dear Don’t Knock: I think you’re being over-sensitive. Your husband seems to be consistent in his desire for information, along with his choice to follow that information trail to a conclusion, even an unpleasant one. He applies this metric to many and varied cultural issues, including those that engage him.
You simply want the freedom — and have the right — to like what you like, unencumbered by the ramblings of blogging philosophers. You don’t say that your husband shames you, but it seems that access to any potentially negative information will make you defensive.
You might not successfully change his annoying behavior. You can definitely change your reaction to it.
You should try to flip your immediate response. Assume that his deep dives into cultural backstory are not intended to hurt you.
Also, feel free to tell him that you find it annoying to have a blog post thrust across the table during Sunday dinner.
You can also say, “Hey, why don’t you send me a link to that piece and I’ll see if I want to read it later.”
What you shouldn’t do is allow this to hurt your feelings.