Wife fears man of her dreams will die

Dear Amy: I am married to the man of my dreams. After a rough first marriage, I was definitely rewarded with an amazing second one.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years now, and it still feels like we’re honeymooning. The problem? I’m terrified that something is going to happen to him.

I know it’s silly, but the fear that he will die never leaves me. I lie awake some nights, heart pounding, worrying about it.

I know that worrying solves absolutely nothing, but I can’t shake it! I reached out for therapy, but my insurance doesn’t cover mental health and my city is woefully lacking in resources.

Any tips on managing this fear? Scared Silly in New Orleans Dear Scared Silly: Given that this fear and rumination are interfering with your daily life, it’s important that you continue to pursue professional counseling.

I assume that this overwhelming fear you are experiencing is at its core not really about your husband, but about you.

Coming to terms with other losses in your life will help you to embrace your current daily blessings with less fear attached.

If you don’t learn to manage this, your ongoing fear will affect your lovely and loving relationship.

In the short term, I suggest diving into practical and healthy pursuits that may help to rewire your brain. Running, yoga, meditation, and music are all activities that you can pursue as ways to both distract and expand your consciousness, and better control your ruminative thoughts.

You live in New Orleans (lucky you!), and so I suggest that you pick up your ukulele and join one of the many free jam sessions that spring up around the city. Music will open you up.

For an introductory guide to a daily meditation practice, read “How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind,” by the wonderful Buddhist sage Pema Chodron (2013, Sounds True). With gentle good humor, Chodron lovingly leads the reader toward a beginner’s meditation practice.

Your fearful thoughts will still enter your mind. But meditation can teach you to open a window — and let these thoughts merely pass through.