Woman wants ring but not marriage
Dear Amy: In an unexpected turn of events, a fabulous guy and I found each other and we have been joyfully together for a couple of years.
We are both “seniors” (70-ish), with parallel experiences of marriage, children, and divorce. I think we are both a little bit shocked that our relationship is so much fun, and so strong, and shows every sign of continuing. Our families and friends are “all in.”
Neither of us has a desire to marry, blend finances, or cohabit. I guess you’d call us LTA’s (living together, apart), which seems to be the latest “thing” in senior relationships.
And yet...something seems unfinished. A formal commitment? Yeah, if I’m perfectly honest, it would be nice. I can’t say exactly why, but I would really treasure wearing his ring, and having him wear mine. Not marriage, but a proclamation about the way things are between us.
Am I being shallow in asking for something a little bit more permanent?
If I worked up the courage to ask for a ring, would he think my request touching — or corny?
Dear Senior-Itis: When my husband and I decided to get married, I said, “Engagement rings are a young-woman’s game. I don’t think I want one.” He said, “Oh, you’re getting a ring, missy. And it’s going to be beautiful.” (I did, and it is.)
My point is that there is something about a ring. The way it reminds you of your commitment. Ask your guy how he feels about exchanging rings.
Dear Amy: “Just Wondering” was bothered by his girlfriend texting back and forth with a male co-worker.
I am willing to bet if a woman had written that letter, you would have advised differently. If a man were to receive text messages frequently from a female co-worker during off hours, I am sure his female partner would have a lot to say about that ... and many women would agree with her.
Try being a bit more equal with your advice.
Dear Upset: I asserted the woman’s right to have a friendship, the man’s right to have honesty and transparency from his partner, and anyone’s right to ask their partner to limit their texting.
Ask Amy,
P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. e-mail: askamy@tribune.com