Long-married man remains in closet

Dear Abby: I have been married more than 25 years and have kids. I’m also gay. I always have been, but when I was a teenager, it wasn’t acceptable and I always believed I would just outgrow it, or learn to live with it. Then came the computer era and the internet — things I never dreamed of while growing up. They changed my life, yet I’m still closeted.

I have had two gay relationships. Both lasted less than a year. I feel like my whole life has been a lie, and I pretty much screwed up my wife because of it.

I just don’t know if it’s worth coming out at this point in my life. I’m also reluctant because I don’t have a guy in my life right now, although I am looking. It’s just so difficult. I’m torn about how to live the remainder of my life. Please help.

Closeted in the Midwest

Dear Closeted: Because you are looking for a partner, it looks like you really don’t plan on sticking around once you find one. Tell your wife the truth so she can decide how she would like to spend the rest of HER life. She may need help from a licensed therapist to deal with the ramifications of your disclosure.

Dear Abby: I was adopted and recently came across my biological family. It’s huge.

I suffer from severe depression.

During the past year, my husband and I decided to tackle it head-on with medication, and there has been a noticeable change in me. My husband is very supportive, and we are close. Problem is, I want to meet my out-of-state bio brother alone.

My husband is a hyper extrovert, and I don’t want his charming antics to distract from this moment. He, however, says he can’t agree. He’s afraid something with the new family will set off a depressive episode, and I’ll be too far away for him to get to me. That’s understandable. But what do I do?

Connecting in California

Dear Connecting: Not knowing how serious your depressive episodes have been, my instinctive reaction is to advise you to listen to your husband. Surely he wouldn’t have to be with you every minute and could stay at a nearby hotel or motel while you are seeing your sibling.

Tell your husband that if he accompanies you, you would like him to tone down his need for attention so he won’t distract from your experience or your brother’s.