Woman’s diagnosis devastates friend

Dear Abby: I have a close friend who was diagnosed with skin cancer. She had surgery a few days ago, and she will know within the next two weeks if it is gone. I am devastated. I don’t know what to do, to say or how to act.

I check in several times a day with her to ask what I can do. We usually talk about everything, but now she’s talking about death and dying. My heart is broken and I tear up when I think about it. I’d like to tell her what I’m feeling and how much I think of her but I don’t know how.

Lost in the East

Dear Lost:

If you feel you can’t get out what you need to communicate to your friend without breaking down, put it in a letter to her. Take your time writing it, and when you’re done, put it aside for a day or two, and then reread it before sending or giving it to her. If she lives decades more, which I sincerely hope, that love letter will be a treasured keepsake.

Dear Abby: Fifteen years ago, my husband’s sister told him their brother “Brad” had molested her when she was young. She had repressed it until revealing it to a therapist. Brad admitted doing it, but said it was because a parish priest showed him pornography. Brad gave her money to pay for her therapy.

My husband has pretty much dismissed it and remains very close to Brad. I have never been able to look at Brad in the same way, and I prefer to not be around him. My husband wants me to pretend it’s in the past and let it go, but I’m having trouble doing that. I don’t know what to do. Help, please.

Complicated in Illinois

Dear Complicated: It is probable that the priest who showed Brad the pornography sexually abused him, too. Brad has tried to make amends by paying for his sister’s therapy. I think you should talk to your sister-inlaw about this, and take your cues from her.

Dear Abby: I am in my late 60s. When I am approached by people who know me, I can’t remember them. It’s embarrassing to ask them who they are. What would be the polite way to ask, “Who are you?”

Don’t Know in Pennsylvania

Dear Don’t Know: A polite way to manage it would be to be honest. Simply say, “Forgive me, but I think I’m having a ‘senior moment.’ Where do we know each other from?” It’s effective.