Couple disagree over where to live
Dear Abby: I’m a 32-yearold mom of four. I’ve been married for six years.
I’m a Southern girl, but my husband is an immigrant to this country. When he emigrated, he settled in the North.
I have always told him before and during our marriage that I don’t like the North. I want to move somewhere down south or at least the middle of the country.
We are currently in the process of house-hunting, and he keeps showing me homes in the North, even though he knows I don’t want to live here.
Recently, he said I could go and live in the South if I want to — alone.
So now I’m wondering, should I break up our family and take him at his word, or keep talking to him about it until I get his OK?
Negative on the North
Dear Negative: Base the decision about where to live less on geography and more on where your children can get the best education and where the cost of living is more affordable. I do not think it is worth breaking up a marriage over — unless this is your husband’s way of addressing EVERY disagreement.
Dear Abby: Almost four years ago, I married a friend I had known since 1989. She was a widow, and we unexpectedly fell in love. The first three years, she spoke constantly about her late husband. I told her a few times that I didn’t think she’d like it. It continued. I can’t stand hearing his name anymore. It makes me feel ranked way down in order of importance.
She found a note months ago in which I described my feelings on this, and in it I mentioned I didn’t want to be married to her anymore.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Unimportant in Florida
It’s not unheard of for someone to mention the name of their departed spouse years later, but your wife was insensitive to continue doing so after you told her it made you uncomfortable.
If her relationship with her adult children gets in the way of her relationship with you, it should be discussed during marriage counseling.
You have to decide if you want to end the marriage or whether, when you wrote that note, you were simply blowing off steam.