Wife’s lies put marriage on brink

Dear Abby: I found out today that my wife was sexting with a man in another state. His girlfriend sent me a message, which included a series of screenshots. I had confronted my wife regarding this prior to receiving the messages, but she swore she had sent only ONE topless photo and nothing else. After I reviewed the messages, I saw much more.

She claims “she doesn’t remember everything,” which I find hard to believe. Worse, they had planned to meet. She claims she didn’t, but I can’t believe her based upon her lying repeatedly about this.

We have a child together, so I don’t want to walk away, but I’m deeply hurt and no longer trust her. I know you will recommend marriage counseling, but beyond that process, is there anything I should do?

Lost in the East

Dear Lost: By all means, attempt marriage counseling if she is willing. However, if she isn’t willing, have some counseling without her. And start interviewing attorneys to represent you in what is likely to be a divorce. Without trust, there can be no marriage.

Dear Abby: I’m 59 and the oldest of four children.

When we were kids, our parents were raging alcoholics. They smoked pot and were barely functioning adults. As the oldest, I was tasked with caring for and raising the other three.

We were never close to our parents. Our father passed some years ago, which left our mom, who continued to live her boozefilled life. She was a terrible mother.

Now that our mother has dementia, my siblings make a lot of effort to spend time with her. I refuse to have anything to do with her. My siblings think I should “just get over it” because she can’t remember anything. Because she can’t remember doesn’t negate the fact that it happened. I’ve had a fantastic life without her being part of it. Am I wrong for standing strong on my decision?

Resolute in Florida

Dear Resolute:

Your mother has reached a point where she is beyond any help you can give her. Now it’s time to take care of yourself. If you feel it’s better to stand strong on your decision, do not allow yourself to be guilted into doing otherwise.