Amazon Founder Jeff Bezos heads out into outerspace by Argus Hamilton
HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America, and how's everybody?
The White House tried to spin Tom Brady's joke at the Super Bowl team reception about 40% of Americans not believing Tampa or Biden won into a joke on Trump. Biden laughed out loud not realizing the joke was on him. Jeff Bezos wasn't the ONLY rich white guy in outer space that day.
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos blasted off from his back yard Tuesday and flew to outer space in his own spacecraft for four minutes. He was delirious with joy after landing. Jeff Bezos made history by spending the most money for a four-minute thrill since Bill Clinton visited Epstein Island.
The Blue Origin took off for space with paying passengers Tuesday, heralding the new era of space tourism. The photo of the launch was hilariously graphic. Well, Anthony Weiner sent one to a teenager, Brett Favre sent one to a Jets cheerleader, and now Jeff Bezos just sent one to the world.
The Air and Space Museum in Ohio marked the fifty-second anniversary of the moon landing Tuesday in concert with the Bezos' launch. We love space flights. To honor Jeff Bezos' reusable rocket, which looks like a circumcised penis ready to launch, Viagra changed its name to Blue Origin.
Jeff Bezos's space flight followed recent space ventures by billionaires
Richard Branson and Elon Musk. Our values have really changed since I was a young man. I can remember when doing cocaine was considered a sign you're making too much money, now it's flying into outer space.
Washington Post reporters waited for their CEO Jeff Bezos to emerge from his spacecraft and shower him with glory Tuesday. At eight that morning, Bezos successfully took off in his rocket and then later he came down to earth in his capsule. It was his second-most expensive separation in a year.
Jeff Bezos emerged from his capsule in Texas Tuesday and he declared it was his greatest day ever. For all his money, Bezos is still just one letter removed from being a clown. He explained that his girlfriend remained on earth when reporters asked if he had any Tang while he was in outer space.
The Surgeon General said the Delta Variant appears to be spreading to people who have not gotten their shots. It's a time when the president should not be allowed to ad lib. Biden went on TV and urged Americans to wear a mask and get vaccinated as the best way to help stop inflation.
The Wall Street Journal reports Russia has just unveiled their new hypersonic nuclear missile that flies three times the speed of sound. In retaliatory response, the U.S. has plane loads of Texas Democrats. They are wiping out Washington, D.C. faster than anything the Russians could throw at us.
Texas Democratic lawmakers who fled to Washington on a plane together continued testing positive. Now they're spreading it all over the U.S. Capitol. This is turning into the worst trip since Charlie Manson handed out mushrooms then sent his family on a stroll through Beverly Hills.
The Treasury Department says ninety percent of U.S. paper money contains traces of cocaine on each bill, with the hundred dollar bill containing the most cocaine on it. Why do you think the dollar is so strong? If Baby Boomers did nothing else, we took U.S. currency off the gold standard.
Israel protested the decision by Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream to completely pull out of Israel in protest over Israel's defense policy and Israeli settlements in the West Bank. Ben and Jerry's just introduced a new flavor to celebrate its attitude toward the Jewish state. It's called Mein Chunk.
The Department of Transportation reported that highways deaths are up twenty percent from last year in the US. Yesterday I saw a car bumper sticker that read I'm a Veterinarian, Therefore I Can Drive Like an Animal. Suddenly, I realized how many proctologists there are on the road today.