Shoplifting Sister Shows No Remorse for Actions
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old mother of two. My teenaged adopted sister steals makeup from stores. It sometimes happens when we are together, but I never catch her doing it. She has told me she feels no remorse about stealing the items.
My parents and I have lectured her time after time. She's now claiming her friends give her makeup they don't like. I'm exasperated because she just doesn't seem to get it. Would it be wrong of me to tip off the security guard on our next shopping trip? I want her to learn a lesson before it's too late. Yet, it could result in juvenile detention and a financial burden on my parents.
I love my sister, but I'm worried her habit may lead to an unfortunate adulthood. She has had counseling in the past for numerous issues, but she either lies to her therapist or just sits quietly and says nothing. Please help me, Abby. -- STICKY FINGERS
DEAR STICKY FINGERS: If you do what you are contemplating and your sister finds out you were the person who turned her in, she will never forgive you for it. I agree that the girl has serious problems. That's why I'm advising you to tell your parents what has been going on and let them handle it. While my inclination would be to give her a dose of tough love, it would be better if it comes from your parents, because they are responsible for her.
Parents Relocation omplicates Family s Prospects DEAR ABBY: We didn't ask them to, but my parents recently retired and moved from Virginia to Georgia to be close to our family after our son -their first grandchild -- was born. The move down here was a huge undertaking for them. It included selling their home in Virginia and building a new one here in Georgia with the assumption that in their old age they would never have to move again.
The problem is, my husband and I are considering a move to a different state to pursue career opportunities for the betterment of our family. I feel awful because it will mean my parents may have to move again. We currently live in a location where they don't know many people, so I don't think they will want to stay after we leave. How should we bring up the topic of our potential move and discuss it with them? -- MOVING IN THE SOUTH
DEAR MOVING: If the opportunities are better elsewhere, then that's where you should go. This should not have been a deep, dark secret. Tell your parents you are considering another move so they can make plans of their own. They may want to move to a location near you, back to Virginia where their friends are or to a retirement community, where they can form new friendships and won't be entirely dependent upon you and your husband for social contact, as they apparently were when they moved to Georgia.
oy riend Pro ing To e Not Much o a Father
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend, "Nick," for 10 years. We have been through a lot. We have a 3-year-old son, and Nick's mom passed away shortly after his birth. Nick now tells me he doesn't want to watch our son, that he wants his time for himself. All I need is for him to watch him one day a week while I'm at work. My family helps the other days.
I have a good job, which Nick wants me to leave and move across the country with him. I feel it would be a mistake to move before our cars are paid off and our son is in school, which will all happen in a year. It just seems logical, so we won't have someone we don't know watching our kid, especially because I can't predict when Nick will be in dad mode and want to watch him.
Nick says he doesn't want to wait and he's threatening to go without me. He said he didn't sign up for kids in the first place. I don't want our relationship to end. I don't want to be a single mom. I feel like we could work this out, but I don't know how. Help, please. -- SO UNSURE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SO UNSURE: It's time to face reality. You ARE a single mom. What exactly do you think you can work out with your boyfriend, who "didn't sign up for kids in the first place"? Nick has made plain that he doesn't want the responsibility of fatherhood. He will, however, have a legal responsibility to support his son financially. Do not allow yourself to be rushed into moving. Your reasons for wanting to wait make sense. You have steady employment where you are and relatives who provide safe, reliable child care for your little boy, who may reach adulthood before his father does.
ate Mother s Partner eeps ropping y
DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away a couple of years ago. She had a very nice man, "Ron," as a partner for several years before her death. Since Mom's funeral, I have done my best to spend time with him and check in to see how he is. Unfortunately, he has a habit of stopping by my home unannounced -- usually on Sunday evenings. I know he's lonely, and I feel terrible asking this. How can I tell him in a nice way that my husband and I don't like surprise visits when we're getting ready for the workweek ahead or relaxing by the pool? I'm starting to resent having to be "presentable" for a dropby visit when all I want is to unwind at the end of a weekend. -- CRAVING SUNDAY SOLITUDE
DEAR CRAVING: You should have drawn the line within a few months after your mother's passing. The way to handle this would be to say to him the next time he shows up unannounced, "Ron, we already have plans for tonight. (Pause.) You know we care about you, but in the future, please call before dropping by because we sometimes need to relax and prepare for the workweek ahead."
TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANA: At sundown tonight, the Jewish new year begins. At this time of solemn introspection, I wish my Jewish readers, "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.