He Gone: Lincoln Riley out of Oklahoma heading to USC...
HOLLYWOOD--God Bless america, and how's everybody?
Oklahoma Sooners head coach Lincoln Riley reportedly signed a contract to leave Norman for L.A. to coach the USC Trojans. OU made a huge mistake paying him so much money so early in his career. He can afford to leave three dollar gas for six dollar gas if that's what it takes to escape winter.
The Transportation Safety Administration reported fifty-six million Americans traveled during Thanksgiving week, a big leap over last year. I hope you had as much fun on Thanksgiving Day as I did. I shot my first turkey, and it sure scared the hell out of everybody in the Frozen Foods
Section.
President Biden was out of reach of his West Wing handlers Saturday when he snapped back into being himself again. He shut down the Mexican border and cut off flights from sub-Saharan Africa. Joe was just hired to re- place Alec Baldwin as the Trump impersonator on Satur- day Night Live.
The Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood started making plans for our fiftieth anniversary show in May. The club's three showrooms were packed all weekend with sold-out crowds. I love performing for an audience the way Dr. Fauci loves giving us the worst case scenario.
Dr. Fauci went on CNN last week and urged that booster shots be included in the definition of whether or not you've been vaccinated. He gets rejuvenated by the news of every new variant. Dr. Fauci won't stop pushing needles into our arms until he's named Time magazine's Prick of the Year.
The Hollywood Christmas Parade was held on Hollywood Boulevard Sunday featuring a long line of convertibles packed with TV and movie stars. All day in L.A. large crowds were seen on TV streaming from one big retail store to another. It's the official start of the Holiday Shoplifting Season.
West Coast retailers were hit by a wake of the rash of smash-and- grab mobs last weekend. On Friday, I was in Nordstrom's when fifty masked looters stormed into the store and cleaned out the shelves and left. Five minutes later, the police finally arrived and arrested me for not wearing a mask.
Fox News aired video Saturday of mobs of looters storming a Nordstrom's and plundering the store. Retailers are taking preventative measures. Home electronics stores in L.A. are successfully warding off looters by placing scarecrows that look like Kyle Rittenhouse outside their store entrances.
San Francisco's District Attorney went on TV and vowed to prosecute everyone who's arrested in the mob looting of retail stores. L.A. was hit by the same wave. So far, in San Francisco and Los Angeles, the only retail chain store that's NOT been hit by the flash looting mobs is Barnes and Noble.
A Chicago Thanksgiving mob stormed into a Foot Locker and filled up trash bags with Nike swag. Chicago's mayor went on TV and let the looters know in no uncertain terms that she's a size seven. CNN pundits demanded that the looters not be called looters, they are Social Justice Variants.
The National Retail Federation says 190 million Americans holiday shopped last Friday. The times change, tastes change, but the enthusiasm remains the same. Back when I was in college at OU, if someone had advertised a Black Friday beer sale, we would have camped out until we froze.
Jeffrey Epstein's pal Ghislaine Maxwell goes on trial this week for her part in the billionaire flying away with underage girls to an island with his pals including Bill Clinton. Last week the Clintons posted a nice Thanksgiving Dinner photo. Theirs was the only turkey that committed suicide.
ABC News reported Sunday that gasoline prices in Southern California reached their record high price for the third time in the last four days. They should just start running porn on those gas pump video screens while we're filling up. That way we can watch somebody else getting screwed, too.