Dear Abby: Hot-and-Cold Boyfriend Drops All Communication
DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship (nine months) up until about a month ago. Without going into a lot of detail, the guy I was seeing ghosted me without any warning. We had a great conversation on a Thursday night, and Friday morning he blocked my calls, email, etc. I have no idea what happened.The night before, I accidentally FaceTimed him (my phone was in my pocket), and his son answered. I thought he had called me, but apparently, I called him. Keep in mind I had never met his son the entire time we were together.
This isn't the first time he has stopped speaking to me for reasons only he knows, but this is the first time he has gone this far.
I'm trying to move past it, but I'm having a hard time. Even though we dated for only nine months, I talked to him about everything, and we had such great times together. I want to understand why he did what he did to get some closure, but I don't know what to do. Do I need to just let this go? -- GHOSTED AGAIN IN ALABAMA
DEAR GHOSTED AGAIN: Your ex may have been upset because, until your FaceTime call, his son didn't know he was seeing anyone. I'm not a mind reader, and neither are you. You stated that this isn't the first time he has clammed up and given you the silent treatment. A relationship based on such immaturity and poor communication skills would not be healthy for you anyway. Stanch your bleeding and move on. You have my sympathy.
man Oblivious to Wife's Interests, Feelings
DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is 85, lives under the domination of my 88-year-old father. After retirement, Dad has remained active and has taken up hobbies that fill the entire house. Mom was an award-winning photographer, but medical issues now prevent her from enjoying that activity the way she used to. She has always enjoyed music and had a keyboard she felt comfortable playing, but only when Dad was away. My father tends to be very critical, which is why I think she would only play in private.
Recently, thinking Mom no longer used it, my dad donated her keyboard. He said it was taking up space. Mom recently confided to me that she was devastated when it happened. I would like to purchase another keyboard for Mom for her birthday, but I don't want her to feel betrayed. I'm not sure if I should talk with Dad about it beforehand. He is sure to ask Mom why she wasn't more vocal about her feelings in the first place, thus putting her in an uncomfortable position. Do you have any suggestions? -- LOVING DAUGHTER IN WASHINGTON
DEAR DAUGHTER: Have a chat with dear old Dad. Tell him what you plan to do and why. If he expresses puzzlement about why you're doing it, point out that between the two of them his is the dominant personality, which may be why your mother didn't speak up on her own behalf. While you're at it, suggest that the next time he has the urge to dispose of your mother's property, he should first ask how she feels about it. It may be a wake-up call he needs.
man's need for Contact Gobbles Up Friend's Time
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, a gay man in his 60s. We met while we worked for the same company 11 years ago, and have stayed in touch even after I moved out of state. He has never had a relationship. He didn't have a great childhood or upbringing, and his self-esteem is low. Because of his poor eating and living habits, he is now in a nursing home and dependent on others for his care.
My problem is, he's very needy and he calls me regularly to talk. We have little in common (politically, spiritually, emotionally) but he keeps me on the phone for one, two or even three hours -- usually late in the evening -- until I finally tell him I am sleepy and need to go to bed. I hate to not take his call, but I cringe when I see it's him calling. Sometimes I tell him I'm watching an important TV program or have to get up early (even when I don't).
I don't want to hurt his feelings. I have tried to be there for him, although he ignores my advice about anything related to health or finances or being proactive about his care. He's very self-effacing and doesn't want to offend anyone. I'm not really helping other than to provide contact. (He has others as well.) Could you tell me what I could say to him without hurting him? -- KIND LADY IN THE NORTHWEST
DEAR KIND LADY: You need to decide how much time you want to devote to listening to this poor man. Would 30 minutes every few weeks be workable for you? When you see it's him calling, do not pick up if you don't feel in the mood for the conversation.