Bored in the hospital

A horse flipped over on me the other day, it knocked the air out of me, but I got back on and kept riding. I went to work the next day and shortly after lunch I started having kind of a shaking fit. I just couldn’t stop. I didn’t know it, but my body was going into shock. So I drove in to town and I went to the back door of the vet clinic where the large animals come in and had doc take a look at me. Him and his helper decided I need to go to the hospital in a hurry. They said my color was way off. I sure felt funny.

I got up there and they ran a bunch of tests on me. Somehow it was determined it I was passing a lot of blood through my urine.

I spent a few days in the hospital hooked up to an IV. It sure was boring. They didn’t have RFDTV or the cowboy channel or the hunting channel or westerns. I had to watch stinking talk shows and soap operas. Out of sheer boredom I finally convinced my nephew and his girlfriend to come for a visit.

I knew they were coming about six after he got off work, so being I was bored out of my mind with nothing better to do, I hatched me a plan.

When the evening nurse came in about five and I made sure that she brought me some gauze and I had her wrap my head and put some bandages on my arm. I looked awfully sick when my nephew and his girlfriend finally arrived. I was a bit aggravated they were late.

So, they came walking in and I kind of moaned and slightly opened my eyes and said is that you? I’m glad y’all came. I shut my eyes a little bit and moaned.

They were kind of sitting there and looking a bit scared. So, I started shaking and spitting a little spit out and acting like I was having a seizure. Now you talk about scared his girlfriend is kind of goofy anyway. She’s pretty ditzy, she jumped and her eyeballs got really big and lost all the color in her face. I got

feeling sorry for them at that point. I was having pretty good time with it and having a hard time keeping a straight face, but I was afraid wifey would whip me good if that ditsy girl passed out because I was bored.

I finally started giggling and pulled the gauze off my head. She kind a looked at him and he looked at her. Neither one knew what to think, they weren't sure

what was up. I had to just tell them guys I was just messing with you I'm not very sick.

That was the funnest day I've ever spent in the hospital by far. I've been in the hospital for different things over the years, but I waited all day long just to mess with those youngsters. My wife thinks imma little off in my head because every now and then I get to snickering about it when I think about it. Wait till I go to the feed store and tell this, we'll laugh for hours.

James Lockhart lives near the Kiamichi mountains in southeast Oklahoma. He writes cowboy stories and fools with cows and horses.