Hamilton: McDonald’s pulls out; Russia gets healthier
BEVERLY HILLS --- God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Fox News reports McDonald’s just sold all their restaurants in Russia in protest over Putin’s war on Ukraine. This follows exits by other U.S. companies Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Starbucks and Pizza Hut. If the Russians get anything out of this war, they could end up being the healthiest people on this planet.
The PGA Championship final round at Southern Hills will air on CBS Sports and ratings will be huge if Tiger is still in the hunt. I’m very disappointed in the new Tiger Woods instructional DVD which just arrived in my mailbox yesterday called My Eighteen Favorite Holes. Turns out it’s about golf.
An NBC News poll last week showed eighty percent of Americans say we’re heading in the wrong direction. Luckily we’re blessed with resourcefulness at the top. In a desperate attempt to appear more presidential, Biden is flying to Asia, where he will be photographed standing next to a lot of short people.
Fox News interviewed pro-abortion protest leaders Thursday who threatened a Summer of Rage to force the Supreme Court to rule abortion a basic right. Riots on top of a stock market slide do not bode well. I asked my stockbroker what I should be buying, and he said canned goods and ammunition.
CNN Business economists warned a recession is looming if the stock market keeps sliding and if inflation keeps rising. Signs of a slumping economy are everywhere. When I went to the dentist in Beverly Hills on Thursday, I spotted a woman on Rodeo Drive with a fake Gucci bag and real breasts.
The New York Stock Exchange took a fall Wednesday with retailers and Big Tech stocks leading the retreat. Gasoline prices hit a record high for the tenth straight day. The stock market crashed so hard that when it woke up, Amber Heard was on the other pillow apologizing for the mess she made.
Donald Trump predicts Elon Musk will cancel his Twitter bid when he finds out how many users are robots, thus useless advertising targets. There are other fish in the sea. Elon Musk just offered to buy the FBI for one hundred billion dollars but no word yet on whether the Clintons are willing to sell.
The New York Supreme Court is deciding if the elephant at the Bronx Zoo has the same rights as a person. This is big. If the court rules in the elephant’s favor, she will not only be given protection from false imprisonment, she will be offered the cover of next year’s Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue.
The New York Times, CNN and NBC referred to the twenty-four GOP primary winners Trump endorsed as Far-Right
Election Deniers. The left should be more concerned about the U.S. Mail. After the midnight mail-in ballots were counted in Wisconsin Tuesday, Joe Biden just edged McGovern.
NBC News in Houston reported that a thirty-one-year-old female high school teacher in Houston has been arrested for having sex with an underage male student. Apparently the woman wasn’t a very good English class teacher either. The boy is bragging to all his buddies that he’s been getting lain.
The FDA approved a Covid vaccine for fiveyear-old kids Tuesday but the CDC hasn’t okayed its use. The word of mouth on the side effects is not good. The Covid vaccines took a public relations hit recently when fifteen Southern states and Utah approved the Moderna shot for death row executions.
AAA reports that gas prices surpassed four dollars a gallon in every state Friday. However, due to high gas prices, the numbers of drive-by shootings are down. It’s a safe feeling knowing that not worth the six dollars a gallon to shoot has replaced cracker as the worst thing I can be called in Chicago.