Hamilton: Fox News says Americans are on edge
HOLLYWOOD --- God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Fox News reports that the recent plague of public shootings has nightclubs, restaurants, athletic events, bus stations, airports, schools and houses of worship on edge. Authorities fear that the least little thing can set everything off. Okay, okay, public places, you win, I’ll take my ring tone off Gunfire.
Queen Elizabeth stirred our hearts Sunday when she appeared on the balcony to a million people singing God Save the Queen saluting her seventy-year-long reign. I choked up. I haven’t wept like this while watching a live event on television since O.J. made it to his grandma’s house before he was arrested.
Amber Heard slammed the jury’s verdict in favor of Johnny Depp’s defamation suit against her on Thursday while industry experts said her movie career could be in jeopardy. I think she would make a terrific hotel housekeeper. Amber likes to leave a little something on your pillow on the way out.
Forbes forecasts that Bitcoin’s rally in the market Monday signaled a great year ahead for crypto currencies. I’d have been a great Wall Street trader with my natural instincts as an investor. Last night I paid eighty dollars for a tank of gas and by the time I got home, it was worth one hundred dollars.
Fort Lauderdale police reported that a van crashed into a Federal Express delivery truck Friday because the female passenger in the van was giving oral sex to the male driver. I don’t believe she was risking lives. At today’s gas prices I’d like to think she was just studying for her degree in siphoning.
West Hollywood had a million marchers on Santa Monica Boulevard for their Gay Pride Parade Sunday. Before the parade, the CDC warned that monkey pox is transmitted by men having sex with men. In total disregard for the CDC guidelines, not one parade marcher wore a butt mask for protection.
President Biden boarded Air Force One today to fly to Los Angeles and participate in the Summit of the Americas conference, but not before his appointment with a dentist this morning. Biden told the dentist it causes great pain when he sucks. The dentist quickly prescribed morphine for the rest of us.
Congress is back this week as Democrats push gun control and Republicans tougher sentencing laws for street criminals in the wake of the recent mass shootings. It’s gotten crazy. Shootings are so widespread in big cities now that it is statistically safer to marry Robert Blake than to live in Chicago.
President Biden addressed the nation Friday and urged the banning of single-fire assault rifles but made no proposals to fortify schools. Many states are not waiting for the federal government to help. Not only do teachers in Ohio get to carry hand guns, but the librarians are allowed to use silencers.
Elon Musk on Friday ordered all his Tesla employees to return to work at company headquarters or go find another job. My neighbor is with Tesla and he’s worked from home since the pandemic began. He has twenty-four photographs of his dog Fred on his wall naming him Employee of the Month.
Mariah Carey was sued for twenty million dollars by a guy who claims he co-wrote the 1994 song, All I Want for Christmas Is You. I plan to join the lawsuit, but I had no hand in writing the song. It’s for damages for having to hear it every time I’ve gone Christmas shopping for the last twentyeight years.
Journal Lancet used brain imaging to explain the science of sex attraction and how people signal desire for another through pheromone release. You know that tingly feeling you get when you meet a person to whom you are instantly attracted? That tingly feeling is your common sense leaving your body.
General Mark Milley spoke at Normandy Monday amid Pentagon grumblings over Biden pulling out of Afghanistan and Trump pulling out of the Middle East. It goes against our tradition. My great grandfather fought for the South, outlived two wives, had nine children and never pulled out of anything.