Guymon Daily Herald

Biden hoping wages rise faster than inflation

- By Argus Hamilton EDITOR’S NOTE: Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizati­ons around the country. E-mail him at ArgusJokes@yahoo. com.

HOLLYWOOD --- God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Wall Street Journal analysts said Sunday Joe Biden’s economic team is counting on wages to rise faster than inflation in order to keep the U.S. economy from falling into a recession in 2023. So far, I’m blessed to be having a good year financiall­y. Just two more payments and those dozen eggs are mine.

Italian automaker Ferrari named a new CEO, Frederic Vasseur, who added 20 hp to the blazing fast Enzo. Last week I went to the Beverly Hills Ferrari showroom to see one. The salesman slapped the roof and told me that this bad boy will look amazing parked next to some boxes of classified material.

Market Watch reports the sale of nonalcohol­ic beer such as Anheuser Busch’s ODoul’s reached twentytwo billion dollars in the last year. I don’t get the point of it. I tried O’Doul’s many years ago before I got sober, and it seems to me that drinking nonalcohol­ic beer is like watching porn on the radio.

Healthy Living published a diet targeting middle-age Americans that promises to give you a sexier body that’s more attractive to everyone who looks at you and lead to a more active sex life. At the end of the day, only two things will make you look better naked. One is exercise and the other is alcohol.

GOP Congressma­n George Santos was asked by fellow Republican­s to step down for lying about his education, his job history and even his religion. It was discovered Thursday that Santos used to perform as a drag queen in Brazil. Now there are calls for him to re-run for Congress as a Democrat.

The Huffington Post leaked Donald Trump’s deposition testimony in a civil suit brought against him by a writer who says he raped her in a department store in the 1990s. It never ends. Democrats are so desperate to put Trump on trial they just invited him to play Alec Baldwin on Saturday Night Live.

Alec Baldwin was indicted for involuntar­y manslaught­er by Santa Fe prosecutor­s on Thursday in the accidental shooting death of his cinematogr­apher on the New Mexico set of his cowboy movie Rust. Everybody in Hollywood stands behind Alec. It’s a hell of a lot safer than standing in front of him.

Alec Baldwin’s attorney ripped Santa Fe prosecutor­s for their decision to indict the movie star, saying it distorts the victim’s tragic death and represents a terrible miscarriag­e of justice. The trial could seriously delay production of Alec’s next film. He’s slated to co-star with Will Smith in Slap Shot.

President Biden flew to Northern California Thursday to inspect the damage during last week’s rain storms

. The president was saddened as he toured Monterey County, location of the famed Pebble Beach Golf Club. Joe heard David Crosby died that afternoon and he sent his condolence­s to Bob Hope.

President Biden spoke to reporters in California Thursday and explained he had followed the rules when classified documents were found on his property on three separate days. It’s the steady drip that’s annoying him. Yesterday, more secret documents were found on Joe during a routine colonoscop­y.

President Biden laid out a border plan Thursday for illegals to use an app to obtain a two-year work permit. It’s important they learn English as soon as possible. Last week, two illegal men from Guatemala showed up in Los Angeles Court for their deportatio­n hearing, and the judge married them.

House Republican­s vowed to investigat­e social media to see if it was weaponized to promote left-wing ideology. There are remedies for this.

The best thing about Facebook is that if somebody gets on your nerves, you can make them cease to exist in your world-- and you don’t even have to hide a body.

The World Economic Forum is in Davos where billionair­es plot the planet’s future. In opening remarks, the WEF founder declared in a heavy German accent that we must master the future. Next came a report from the 2023 World Planning Commission, comprised of Goldfinger, Blofeld and Dr. No.

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