Guymon Daily Herald

Cowboys choke again in playoffs

- By Argus Hamilton EDITOR’S NOTE: Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizati­ons around the country. E-mail him at

BEVERLY HILLS ---God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The National Football League staged two playoff games today for the NFC championsh­ip and the AFC Championsh­ip for the right to go to the Super Bowl. Not everyone is happy. Last week my neighbor took away a Dallas Cowboys jersey from his threeyear-old child because it’s a choking hazard.

The PGA Tour is in La Jolla this weekend for final round of the Farmers Insurance Open played at Torrey Pines Golf Club. La Jolla is easily the richest address in California. When I’m performing down there I always eat lunch at La Jolla’s most popular fast food restaurant, Kentucky Fried Pheasant.

The San Diego

Union reports former Miss California Carrie Prejean interrupte­d a City Council meeting to protest a transgende­r woman using women’s public showers. People can say I’m in the wrong generation to joke about transgende­r issues, but ask around. I’m cool with the LGTV community.

President Biden gave a speech in Virginia Thursday and vowed not to negotiate with Republican­s about capping the debt ceiling before the deadline in June and the U.S. runs out of money. The very possibilit­y of a shutdown raised alarms in Washington. Government workers will have to stop not working.

Donald Trump was restored to Facebook and Instagram Tuesday. Trump soared 9 points in 2024 polls last month when he didn’t say anything. So Democrats had him released from FB jail with a free pass to post his opinion about trans-genders, slavery reparation­s, election fraud and women’s anatomies.

The Wall Street Journal published a poll Tuesday saying sixtytwo percent of Americans believe President Biden mishandled classified material. When does this end? The

FBI just raided Mount Vernon and discovered Top Secret documents which show that George Washington really could tell a lie.

The National Archives wrote the last six presidents asking them to check if they possess classified documents like Biden. Pence and Trump turned out to have. I’ve figured out the real reason for the sudden appearance of all these classified documents everywhere. Staples had a sale on Classified stamps.

The White House announced Wednesday the U.S. will send more weapons to Ukraine to help them battle the Russian Army. Biden was happy to announce he’s sending tanks to Ukraine. This is the first time since his election that the word tank has been used that’s not connected to his approval ratings.

Germany sent their top-of-the-line Leopard tanks to Ukraine Thursday, however they can only be manned by Ukrainian soldiers. German troops are not allowed to go outside Germany for the same reason that Argus Hamilton is not allowed to go get the beer. As well as we’ve been doing, it’s still too soon.

Capitol Hill was buzzing with new legislativ­e proposals from the new GOP Congress Thursday as lawmakers navigate their way through a brave new world. A Member gave a speech on the floor of the House that was written word for word by AI, which is a first. Every other speech is written by a lobbyist.

Virginia’s Governor Youngkin is going after school boards that allow gender counseling in the first grade, which has parents upset at the teacher’s union. It’s disillusio­ned many young married couples. Last week my neighbors decided not to have any children and their kids are taking it pretty hard.

The Comedy Store staff surprised me with a cake Saturday to mark the forty-seventh anniversar­y of my arrival in L.A. to perform standup comedy. It’s the one profession where you can capitalize on your mental affliction­s. I’m going to write a book about Attention Deficit Disorder because I love fishing.

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