Guymon Daily Herald
President Biden declares Union is strong in speech
HOLLYWOOD --- God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Biden delivered his State of the Union last night before a joint session of the House and Senate gathered in the House Chamber in the U.S. Capitol. Biden opened by declaring the State of the Union is strong, and there’s evidence Joe is right. The Amish Powerball jackpot is up to six dozen eggs.
The Grammy Awards were scheduled to air on CBS Sunday with songs by Harry Styles and Lizzo and Steve Lacy and more. Comedy could break out unexpectedly. I wouldn’t miss the show knowing there won’t be a dry eye in the house if Kanye West crashes the stage and performs Springtime for Hitler.
House Intelligence Committee former Chairman Democrat Adam Schiff held a press conference on Capitol Hill to protest the Republicans removing him from the committee. It’s hard to break old habits. Schiff announced he has evidence against Donald Trump so secret he hasn’t even made it up yet.
Donald Trump is under grand jury probe for his hush money to Stormy Daniels after their alleged tryst at a Tahoe men’s stag golf tournament. The tourney hired porn stars to serve in the hospitality tents on the course. After the scandal broke, the tournament went back to using mechanical ball washers.
President Biden convinced the Democratic National Committee conference to move Iowa down in the primary calendar after South Carolina goes first in 2024. It’s understandable. Biden’s just not polling that well in the Iowa Caucasians.
Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas was summoned to face Congress over the flood of illegal immigrants pouring into the country on his watch. The administration’s go-easy reputation got worse over the weekend. The cartels in Mexico are now offering balloon rides over the southern border.
China’s spy balloon was shot down off Myrtle Beach Saturday after enjoying a long and leisurely journey across the continent.
The spy balloon was doing fine until it got to South Carolina. It’s the first time a balloon’s been shot down over the South since Biden was a senator under President Lincoln.
President Biden addressed reporters in Washington Saturday to announce the U.S. downing of the Chinese spy balloon once it was safely over water. Biden was widely applauded for ordering a U.S. warplane to fire a missile into the balloon and explode it. It’s the first thing he’s done to reduce inflation.
China’s spy balloon journey across the U.S. was the top of the news Thursday and the cable news channels and broadcast networks followed the balloon every minute for three days. The marketing possibilities were tremendous. Trojans condoms just offered to sponsor the next spy balloon from China.
The White House first acknowledged a Chinese balloon entered U.S. air space on Thursday. China claimed it was only a weather balloon gone astray, but it was obviously a spy balloon. The FBI is very angry about the Chinese spy balloon, saying the agency has spying on Americans covered already.
The New York Post quoted Pentagon sources Friday saying that a second Chinese spy balloon is flying over Costa Rica, Guatemala, Nicaragua and Honduras. This made the espionage doubly aggravating. Not only was China spying on Americans, they’re also spying on future Americans as well.
President Biden resisted demands to shoot down a Chinese spy balloon that entered U.S. air space on Thursday. The huge balloon was first spotted hovering over the ICBM missile silos in Montana. Nobody bought China’s original story that the balloon was celebrating Macy‘s Groundhog Day Parade.
China’s regime protested the U.S. shooting down its spy balloon Saturday, claiming it was a weather balloon that crossed over the U.S. However the three-day saga gave McDonald’s a sensational idea for home delivery. Whenever the balloon appears over your house with your McNuggets, you shoot it down.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at ArgusJokes@yahoo.com.