Guymon Daily Herald

Federal regulators shut down Silicon Valley Bank

- By Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD --- God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Silicon Valley Bank was shut down by federal regulators Friday after depositors pulled $42 billion out of the bank in one day.

It spooked even Big Bank customers like me. Yesterday I went to the ATM for a hundred bucks and it said insufficie­nt funds, and I wondered if it was them or me.

L.A. was hit by a tropical storm called Pineapple Express all weekend that hadn’t hit L.A. in thirty years. It didn’t keep young celebritie­s from standing outside before the Academy Awards to pose for pictures. And to add to the excitement, nobody ever told them that Selfie Sticks are also lightning rods.

Governor Ron DeSantis touted his successes in Florida while campaignin­g in Iowa Friday.

Last week, a bill pushed by DeSantis took effect and Florida re-took legal control over Disney property in Orlando. As a result, Disney World just cancelled plans for Snow White and the Seven Drag Queens.

The White House proposed a budget that slaps a twenty-five percent tax on billionair­es and raises capital gains taxes and taxes unrealized income if your stocks go up even if you don’t sell. My tax refund just arrived in the mail and you know what that means. I can get those eggs I had my eye on.

Tiger Woods’ former girlfriend Erica Herman was lured out of his Florida house with the offer of a trip last week and then Tiger changed the locks on the house. If Tiger thinks that sex after forty is exciting, wait till he hits the age of sixty. You never know if it’s an orgasm, a stroke or a muscle cramp.

President Biden on Monday faced a banking crisis, a migrant crisis, demands to invade Mexico, and demands from Ukraine for more lethal weapons. I think the way to live to the age of 100 is to handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Taylor Swift will kick off her much-anticipate­d Eras Tour next weekend at State Farm Stadium in Glendale, Arizona. In her honor, the mayor is naming the city after her for a day. Taylor Swift, who has made millions of dollars singing about her bad choice in men, just endorsed Joe Biden in 2024.

The Tahoe Daily

News ran a photo of a brown bear who walked through the automatic open door and into the city hall building at South Lake Tahoe, California. I don’t understand the surprise. You can’t put a brown bear on your state flag and then act surprised when it shows up for a town hall meeting.

Politico listed twenty possible Republican candidates for president Friday and added five possible Democratic candidates if Biden pulls out. One poll said

Bernie Sanders is the most likeable of all the potential presidenti­al candidates. Which, let’s face it, is like being voted best dressed person at WalMart.

Will Smith said he’s embarrasse­d by Chris Rock’s Netflix monologue where Chris lashed out at Will for assaulting him at the Oscars. Chris deserves applause for his brilliant stand-up routine about the attack. And Will deserves applause because he finally got a Democrat to talk about black-on-black crime.

The IRS said Friday it expects all looters who’ve been taped robbing retail stores to report stolen merchandis­e as income at current value. We’re increasing­ly casual about the crime wave. Today I allowed a guy to cut in front of me at the grocery store because he only had two items, a note and a gun.

Congress voted unanimousl­y Friday to force U.S. intelligen­ce agencies to declassify all documents relating to the origins of corona virus. There are two possibilit­ies. I believe that the virus took five months to get from the Wuhan lab to the U.S. in March of 2020 but China says they got it right off the bat.

Tennessee Governor Bill Lee signed a law banning trans-gender dance shows for children. I’m glad I started school back in the late Fifties. At least when we were seven and the teacher told the class we’re going on a field trip to a drag strip, we had every reason to believe we’d be seeing a car race.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizati­ons around the country. E-mail him at

 ?? ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United States