Storytelling ... with the one you love
You may have heard about the Superbloom going on in these parts of California and the West. Well, my wife the Angel (TA) and I were on the couch the other day talking about where we were going to stalk the blooming poppies and lupines. At some point, I decided to get creative, and “develop” the story, as we like to say in Hollywood.
BG (me): “But we have to be careful of the wild chickens. Like the superbloom, there are tons of them this year.”
TA: “What?”
BG: “You have to be careful because you might only see one or two, but they attack in packs, so there may be 20 right behind them, like the raptors in ‘Jurassic Park.’ ”
TA: “What, they can attack?”
BG: “So if you see one when you’re hiking with your friends, walk the other way!”
TA: “What do you mean WILD CHICKENS. I’ve never heard of wild chickens. They attack, WHAT???”
Okay, full disclosure, my wife is from a foreign land, which is the only reason I could even begin to get away with this tall tale.
I totally had her going and was all set to launch into the one about why the chicken really crossed the road, when she spotted the tears streaming down my cheeks. I hadn’t been looking at her directly— in fact, at that very moment, my eyes were shut, because I knew I would lose it the second I saw her face.
When I opened my eyes, we looked at each other, and then we both started laughing for a long, long time. It is a moment neither of us will ever forget.
My loving wife wasn’t mad at me for teasing her, and I appreciated her indulgence.
For the record, I don’t make it a general practice to make fun of my angel. But for a few moments, I got to feel like the Diane Keaton character in “Something’s Gotta Give” when she’s writing a play about her love affair with the Jack Nicholson character, and is laughing and crying and typing all at the same time. If you haven’t seen that one, do yourself a favor and find it on your streaming service.
All the merriment wasn’t entirely at my wife’s expense. I had to send out for dinner to a real restaurant, and I paid. It was a wonderful evening, we had a ton of fun, created a great memory, and now have a cute story to tell.
When these things happen, cherish them. Yes, you can tease each other a little, if there is zero malice or insults. It’s how most adults play, but sometimes we forget to do it nicely with the one we love. It’s important to nurture humor as well as love between you. When playfulness leaves your relationship, other things may depart as well, and discontent may set in.
So, learn to play nice, don’t be afraid to have a little fun, and always make sure that your partner is enjoying the ride too.
By the way, I’m not a stand-up shrink, but in my work with clients, I do use some humor, because if you give someone permission to laugh, you also give them permission to cry.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books, and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for video consults world-wide, reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith. com.