If frightened by ex’s calls, tell the authorities
Tribune News Service
My ex and I were married for five years. He worked nights and I worked days. He would call me every day at 9 a.m. to say he was home and wish me a good morning. I was at work and thought it was cute, but then a year and a half ago I found out he was cheating with someone on his shift and I filed for divorce. He cried and begged me not to leave him, but the whole thing grossed me out and I couldn’t stay. He still calls every morning at 9 a.m. I’ve blocked him. He changed his number and continues to call. I changed my number, but my sister felt sorry for him and gave him my new number. What’s good ex-etiquette?
You haven’t mentioned children, so from an ex-etiquette standpoint (or good behavior after divorce or separation), there’s really no reason to continue with contact. If you did have kids or continued to own a business together, then you would be in a pickle. It would be far more difficult to walk away.
Sometimes I get emails from readers and wonder if they are for real. This is one of them. I know things like this happen — I hear them all the time — but I have to wonder why your ex is still trying to win you over after a year of you not answering the phone.
If, as you say, you have told him in no uncertain terms that you are no longer interested, his calling every day at 9 a.m. would be a little unnerving — and cause for concern. It sounds a little like stalking.
You can request a restraining order from family court, and if he doesn’t stop trying to contact you, he will have violated the restraining order and could end up in jail. I’d check with the police or an attorney.
I’m going to get serious for a second, and I want this to register with your family members.
Your ex sounds a little unbalanced, or at least obsessed. In his mind, he may think you might think his “consistency” is charming and want to rekindle whatever you had. But in this day and age, that’s playing with fire.
That your sister gave him your phone number when I’m sure she understood you were trying to stay away from him is a concern. You said her motivation was that she felt sorry for him. That’s not an excuse to put your life in jeopardy.
I understand that may sound over the top, but we have all heard of breakups that take on a life of their own when someone has been hurt.
I’m sure your family members all have your new number, but all must be aware that it is a private number, and they are to give it to no one. If you want to share your number, you should be the only one to pass it on.
Again, if he hasn’t stopped upon request and you’re more frightened than irritated, call the authorities. Under these circumstances, that’s good ex-etiquette.
Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of“Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation,”and the founder of Bonus Families, bonusfamilies.com. Email her at the Ex-Etiquette website exetiquette.com at dr.jann@ exetiquette.com.