Why Do People Ask About Her Name?
DEAR AMY: I am a foreign-born U.S. citizen from Hong Kong, a formerly British colony for more than a century. I have lived in the U.S. for over 40 years. It is common for people in Hong
Kong to use a western name and our Chinese name together. Occasionally strangers in the U.S. ask me if “Lily Wong” is my “real” name. It is on my British passport, U.S. passport, global entry card, driver’s license, property deed, and so on.
I feel discriminated against because I have an Asian face and an Asian accent and they want to point out the obvious — that I am not born here. I think corporations should include sensitivity training to educate their employees not to ask if someone’s name is a “real” name — to point out the obvious that I am not born here. DEAR UPSET: People ask all sorts of insensitive questions, not always because they are trying to discriminate, upset you or point out your “otherness,” but because they are curious — or clueless — or a combination of both.
I agree that corporations should include sensitivity training, so that people are sensitized to realize that what sounds like a benign question: “Is that your real name?” or, “Where are you from?” has the opposite effect from what they might intend.
Asking a person from Cleveland who has an American accent, “Where are you from” is perceived very differently than when it is asked of you. An American-born or “American-looking” (whatever that is) person might see this as a normal social ice-breaker. You see it as an indication that the person asking doesn’t think you belong here.
You might be wrong about that, or overly sensitive regarding these questions — but people asking them should be aware of how questions like this are perceived.
I have a Chinese daughter and other Asian family members who also report frequent comments or questions designed to highlight their otherness, such as, “What are you?” “Where are you really from?” or “Where are your real parents?”
Occasionally the people asking these questions are also Asian.
But let’s just stipulate that asking a settlers swarmed onto a section of land in Oklahoma known as the “Cherokee Strip.”
In 1908, General Motors was founded in Flint, Michigan, by William C. Durant.
In 1919, the American
Legion received a national charter from Congress.
In 1940, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Selective Training and Service Act. Samuel T. Rayburn of Texas was elected Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives.
In 1964, the rock-and-roll show “Shindig!” premiered on ABC-TV.
In 1974, President Gerald R. Ford announced a conditional amnesty program for Vietnam war deserters and draft-evaders.
In 1982, the massacre of fellow human being, “What are you?” is offensive.
One way to respond to a question you don’t feel like answering is to turn it back on the questioner. If you are asked, “Is that your real name?” You could answer, “Why are you asking?” Depending on the response, you could simply answer, “Yes, it is my real name.”
I hope you will see the movie “Crazy Rich Asians.” This runaway American hit with an all-Asian cast explores, exploits and explodes these stereotypes. DEAR AMY: Please remind wedding guests to please stick to the bridal registry.
Post-wedding, I am still purchasing things I needed (and had on my registry), and returning things that I don’t need and already own, that were not on my registry. DEAR FRUSTRATED: I’d also like to remind entitled brides to be grateful for all their gifts, no matter where they come from.
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postal to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook. between 1,200 and 1,400 Palestinian men, women and children at the hands of Israeli-allied Christian Phalange militiamen began in west Beirut’s Sabra and Shatila refugee camps.
In 1994, a federal jury in Anchorage, Alaska, ordered Exxon Corp. to pay $5 billion in punitive damages for the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill (the U.S Supreme Court later reduced that amount to $507.5 million).
In 2001, President George W. Bush said there was “no question” Osama bin Laden and his followers were the prime suspects in the Sept. 11 attacks; Bush pledged the government would “find them, get them running and hunt them down.”
In 2007, contractors for the U.S. security firm Blackwater USA guarding a U.S. State Department convoy in Baghdad opened fire on civilian vehicles, mistakenly believing they were under attack; 14 Iraqis died. O.J. Simpson was arrested in the alleged armed robbery of sports memorabilia collectors in Las Vegas.
Ten years ago: Gen. David Petraeus stepped aside as Gen. Ray Odierno took over as the top American commander of the Iraq war. Five years ago: Aaron Alexis, a former U.S. Navy reservist, went on a shooting rampage inside the Washington Navy Yard, killing 12 victims before being shot dead by police.
One year ago: British police arrested an 18-year-old man in connection with the bomb that partially exploded a day earlier in a London subway car.