I AVOIDED BEING ABUSED BY PRIESTS ... AND NOW I KNOW HOW LUCKY I WAS
As a practicing Catholic, and as a human being, I was very sad to learn that since 1953, dozens of priests in the Diocese of Bridgeport had abused so many people, including young and teenage boys.
I was almost one of those statistics.
Now that I know how many priests were involved, it’s even more clear that the Catholic church needs to redouble its efforts to ensure that no more children have to suffer such abuse.
When I was a teenager, my parish priest “groomed” me by his constant attentiveness. One day, he asked me to pose nude for him so he could take pictures of me for his “photography class.” Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to decline, and he backed off. But not all young men were so fortunate.
One of the priests with the most complaints, Martin Federici, was assigned to my family’s parish in Fairfield in the 1970s. He was the youth minister, and his duties included overseeing the CYO
group. Talk about allowing the fox to guard the chicken coop.
And as a young adult, I was inappropriately “befriended” by two other priests. One invited me to his family’s beach house and asked me if I wanted to share a bed with him. I declined. The other priest told me he wanted our friendship to go “on to the next level.” When I questioned what he meant, he replied that “celibacy only pertained to heterosexual
relationships.” That answer was unacceptable to me and ended our friendship.
More recently, as an attorney, I represented a young man who as a teenager was sexually abused by a priest. He turned to alcohol and drugs in an unsuccessful effort to ease his pain. Indeed, he once told me he could not even pray anymore. When I asked him why, he replied, “Because I was screwed over by God’s representative on earth.”
What a betrayal, and breach of trust, by a man who had taken a vow to be a minister of God.
But almost as bad as the actual abuse is the cover-up by the previous Bridgeport bishops. One of them, Edward Egan, was elevated by Pope John Paul II to become a cardinal and Archbishop of New York.
I am flabbergasted that Egan accepted this position — even while knowing his own despicable complicity. It’s hard to fathom how he reconciled his actions with his faith and with his responsibilities as a leader of the church.
It is now time to hold the church hierarchy accountable — not only the miscreant priests.
Commendable steps are being taken in that direction. I greatly appreciate the efforts of current Bridgeport Bishop Frank Caggiano for retaining retired Judge Robert Holzberg to investigate his diocese, but mostly for his appropriate response. Speaking with contrition and compassion, Caggiano said:
“My heart goes out to all those who were harmed and victimized. I am deeply sorry for that betrayal. When you have a wound, you have to clean it out completely before you can heal. This wound will take a very long time to heal.”
Friends have asked me why I remain a practicing Catholic, in light of my own “near misses” and the Church’s poor track record in responding to the sex abuse crisis — both as to the victims and on an institutional level. My response is that I was born and raised Catholic, and I have come to know and love God as a Catholic. To me, being Catholic is in my bones — it means being part of a community and family of believers who worship together and try to live out the message of the gospels. I can’t change my religion like I would change an article of clothing. And families stick together, through thick and thin.
But despite that, I hope Pope Francis will do better than prior popes in dealing with these wayward priests and bishops. Saint Augustine, a father of the Church, was purported to say that the Church should not be a museum for saints but rather a “hospital for sinners” — a sentiment Pope Francis has quoted.
To that, I can only quote what Jesus said in Luke’s gospel: “Physician, heal thyself.”
John N. Montalbano is an attorney. He lives in Middletown.